Elements suggesting legitimate attempt at art Elements suggesting lame half-assed cynical cashing in on billion dollar franchise.
[twocol_one]Art
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- Inclusion of Johnny Depp, who has yet to learn how to phone-in a role.
- Inclusion of Ian McShane, who remains one iconic role away from being another Ian McKellan to Americans.
- 136 minutes – pretty long to go through the motions.
- Boat trips across oceans no longer take 15 minutes.
- “Does this face look like it’s been to the Fountain of Youth?”
- Relative minimum of confusion on plot, motivations.
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[/twocol_one]
[twocol_one_last]Cash in
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- Failure to write anything useful for Geoffrey Rush.
- Uncle Vernon shows up and fails to harass Harry Potter. What’s up with that?
- At 136 minutes, the shortest Pirate film to date.
- Spend an ungodly amount of time on that stupid boat.
- Cannot recall a single memorable piece of dialogue otherwise.
- Relative minimum of confusion on plot, motivations.
- Still can’t remember much about the film a week later. That’s par for the course.
- No Orlando Bloom or Keira Knightley – what, they’re no longer pirates now?
- Lacked orginality of Curse of the Black Pearl.
- Lacked stunts of Dead Man’s Chest.
- Lacked existentialism of At World’s End.
- Disney.
- Jerry Bruckheimer.
- 3D.
- “IV”.
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[/twocol_one_last]
