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Harry Potter will return in some form at some time. Of this, there is no doubt. For now, I just wish to reflect on the individual pieces of this particular iteration:

Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe): Danny-boy has instantly become this generation’s Mark Hamill. From this moment on, he stands only a microscopically greater chance of starring not as Harry Potter in a film that generates $1 B than I do.

Hermione Granger (Emma Watson): perhaps the biggest coup of the series is that Hermione turned out drop dead gorgeous. Didn’t see that one coming. Makes it so much easier to root for pretty heroines, don’t it? In fact, her look and career is similar to that of Natalie Portman up to the same age. Odds of Emma Watson eventually winning an Oscar? See the odds on Radcliffe starring in another $1 B film.

Ron Weasley (Rupert Grint): as fortunate as Warner Bros. was with how Emma bloomed is equally balanced by how awful Rupert soured. Rupert Grint’s acting was so poor in films #5 and #6 I’m certain there were executives willing to buck convention and go with an understudy. I can’t wait to not see him around anymore.

Severus Snape (Alan Rickman): I’m still of two minds on the character good ol’ Snivelous. On the one hand, he acted on Dumbledore’s orders and provided a key piece to the demise of Voldemort; he also alerted the Order upon Harry’s ill-advised trip to the Ministry of Magic and led Harry to the sword of Gryffindor in the forest. On the other hand, he killed Dumbledore (nope, I don’t care), he gave away the release time for Harry leaving the Dursley’s (resulting, among other things, in Mad Eye Moody’s death) and he acted like a complete and utter penis to Harry for several years. The tip on the good side for me is that Alan Rickman is the best actor in the Potter stable; it’s no coincidence that the tears start to flow in Deathly Hallows II with his personal swan song. It is both wonderful and a crying shame that this role will be the one for which Alan Rickman is most remembered.

Draco Malfoy (Tom Felton): Watched Rise of the Planet of the Apes almost slack-jawed –wow, Tom Felton is never going to not be Draco, is he? Another character I have trouble separating just because, “he turned good.” That thing on his arm? Just a bit of Henna, right? It will come off in the shower. Good thing it’s not a voluntary symbol of allegiance to a group of genocidal power-hungry assholes, huh? And when you think about it, how bad were Draco’s actions, really? Sure, he and Harry had some childish bickering, but that’s it, right? I mean it’s not like the guy played a key role in Dumbledore’s death or set loose a pack of Death Eaters on Hogwarts grounds or anything like that, did he? Oh yeah, he did. “But he’s good now.” Oh. Well in that case, all is forgiven.

Sirius Black (Gary Oldman): look, I know Gary’s a player and all, but if the ghosts of my life come back to cheer me on one last time, I want my father to get a word or two in before my godfather, OK?

Nevil Longbottom (Matthew Lewis): Fascinating coming of age here. It’s like watching Scooby Doo turn into Lassie over eight films.

Lucius Malfoy (Jason Isaacs) Who does your hair, anyway? Fabulous, sir. Just fabulous.

Professor Dumbeldore (Richard Harris, films 1-2 & Michael Gambon, films 3-8): The untimely death of Richard Harris was the greatest blow to the series. It would have been easier for the films to lose Ralph Fiennes. Gambon grows on you, but he never quite got Dumbledore.

Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes): If I have any single complaint about the series, it’s that Lord Voldemort never seemed quite as powerful as he should be. He gets defeated time and time again. He’s fairly vulnerable for four full movies. His powers seem overshadowed by his minions in Half-Blood Prince. And his ultimate demise seems to miss the point of the novels to an unknowable degree. Were he not played in the latter movies by Ralph Fiennes, who makes an exceptionally keen face of evil, this could have been the series undoing.

Favorite film of the eight: If you’d asked me a year ago, I would have said Goblet of Fire. It has the best action sequence, the introduction of hormones, and represents the first time we truly see Harry as vulnerable. In retrospect, however, it was shot way too dark and the costumes and hairstyles are terrible (although you didn’t hear that from me). Most people favor Prisoner of Azkaban, which boasted the best director of the bunch, Alfonso Cuarón. To me, Azkaban reminds of a poor man’s Back to the Future. And the werewolf ain’t scary. Sorry. I’m going to skip the Hallows as well and go directly to #1, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. It was silly and irrelevant and the ending still makes no sense to me, but without it the rest couldn’t follow. I like saying that a chimp could have painted the Harry Potter story to satisfaction, but it’s not true. Sorcerer’s Stone gave us a sympathetic Harry, his wonderful friends, the fantastic wizarding world, and a score you’ll never forget. There were many ways Chris Columbus could have blown this one. He did not. And it made the rest possible.

Worst film of the eight: That’s easy. Order of the Phoenix. The only one of the bunch I wouldn’t recommend. It both drags and misses the power of the book in several key places. I don’t think this was Imelda Staunton’s fault, her Dolores Umbridge was fine, but there was a decided lack of “eyes on the prize” in this episode. The acting is the worst in the series (which is saying something given that Chamber of Secrets exists) and David Yates doesn’t help any one of his players.

Character that grew on me the most: Argus Filch (David Bradley)

Most annoying character: Dobby

Character that missed the boat: (tie) Gambon’s Dumbledore, Xenophilius Lovegood (Rhys Ifans)

Character I most wish had gotten more play: (tie) Luna Lovegood (Evanna Lynch), Ginny Weasley (Bonnie Wright)

Does Harry’s future make any sense to you? Shouldn’t he have eventually become the Defense Against the Dark Arts prof at Hogwarts? Who better to remove the curse of the position? And why all the foreshadowing of Dumbledore’s Army if we’re not leading to Harry becoming a teacher? Any other profession doesn’t make sense to me.

Best medium for future Potter: Television. Movies never do justice to the characters so richly envisioned by J.K Rowling. They were meant to be fleshed out, not abbreviated. Imagine every season having 22 hour-long episodes of Potter. The first three or four could take place at Privet Drive with the Dursleys. Wouldn’t we like to know more about Harry’s life there? Why does Harry know things Muggles know? When do the Dursleys ever let him take the subway or answer a telephone? And let’s learn more about Hogwarts and Harry’s classes and classmates. Imagine “Glee” with magic instead of singing. As each season develops, we can present the plot the novel offers building to a natural climax, not one forced by run time.

Television. Think about it. Guaranteed to sell.

 

Deathly Hallows: Part II review

Wizards of the Caribbean

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