Reviews

Movie 43

I figured it out! It took me a few days, but I finally discovered how this screenplay was put together. Here’s my guess (and I’m sure to be close): SNL recently archived all of the rejected sketch evaluations electronically. Then, the producers ran a search on the words “tasteless” & “risqué” & “not funny” all appearing in the same rejection. At that point, they narrowed the field down to “acceptable tragedies” and “roles that could scar an actor for his/her entire career,” choosing the latter. And the worst 10 of those were filmed as a sketch comedy movie.

The opening sketch of Movie 43 pits Kate Winslet, that’s Oscar winner Kate Winslet, on a blind date with Oscar nominee Hugh Jackman. Five of the last Movie432six Hugh movies have grossed over $100 M. The sixth? That would be Movie 43 in which he plays a guy who has a scrotum and testicles dangling from the bottom of his chin. Hugh is not a Wayans brother; he’s not even a mock A-lister like Ashton Kutcher. Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet are legitimate movie stars. You build casts around them. You write scripts with them specifically in mind. And Wolverine here has balls on his chin. Huh. Must be a full moon. I can’t actually tell you how funny this isn’t or how it sets the tone for a series of degrading dalliances almost certainly emanating from the imagination of a kid who gets his jollies snapping random bra straps.

I’d like to say it gets better, and it does, but not until you wade through the sexually retarded forest of Chloë Grace Moretz staining furniture with period blood, Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts both attempting to reach second base with their home-schooled son, Johnny Knoxville and Seann William Scott battling leprechauns to the death, and Anna Faris wanting to share intimacy with Chris Pratt by him taking a dump on her.

Don’t get me wrong, for all the immaturity, Movie 43 does have successes. It’s a ton better than your standard parody film these days, like Scary MoVie or A Haunted House. A “Truth or Dare” blind date segment between (another Oscar winner) Halle Berry and Stephen Merchant starts with cupping a stranger’s ass and blowing out the candles on a blind child’s birthday cake and escalates to such proportions you won’t believe. Correction, you will believe, but only because of the seven previous sketches. A rare thumbs up among this collection.

This is the kind of film that actors regret. That sentiment is fortunately (for all involved) dissipated by two things – there are too many sketches to identify any one as worse than the others and the sheer volume of tainted talent waters down the shame for all.

Don’t ask, maturity has sank
Not sure exactly whom to thank
Many folks to blames
One questions remains:
Do you really want to see a cartoon wank?

D: Elizabeth Banks … (segment “Middleschool Date”)
Steven Brill … (segment “iBabe”)
Steve Carr … (segment “The Proposition”)
Rusty Cundieff … (segment “Victory’s Glory”)
James Duffy … (segment “Super Hero Speed Dating”)
Griffin Dunne … (segment “Veronica”)
Peter Farrelly … (segments “The Pitch”, “The Catch”, “Truth or Dare”)
Patrik Forsberg … (segment “Tampax”)
Will Graham … (segment “Homeschooled”)
James Gunn … (segment “Beezel”)
Brett Ratner … (segment “Happy Birthday”)
Jonathan van Tulleken … (segment “Machine Kids”)
Bob Odenkirk … (uncredited)

W: Rocky Russo … (written by) (segment “The Pitch”) &
Jeremy Sosenko … (written by) (segment “The Pitch”) and
Ricky Blitt … (written by) (segment “The Pitch”)
Rocky Russo … (screenplay) (segment “The Catch”) &
Jeremy Sosenko … (screenplay) (segment “The Catch”) and
Bill O’Malley … (story) (segment “The Catch”)
Will Graham … (written by) (segment “Homeschooled”) &
Jack Kukoda … (written by) (segment “Homeschooled”)
Rocky Russo … (written by) (segment “The Proposition”) &
Jeremy Sosenko … (written by) (segment “The Proposition”)
Matt Portenoy … (written by) (segment “Veronica”) (as Matthew Portenoy)
Rocky Russo … (screenplay) (segment “iBabe”) &
Jeremy Sosenko … (screenplay) (segment “iBabe”) and
Claes Kjellstrom … (story) (segment “iBabe”) &
Jonas Wittenmark … (story) (segment “iBabe”) &
Tobias Carlson … (story) (segment “iBabe”)
Will Carlough … (written by) (segment “Super Hero Speed Dating”)
Jonathan van Tulleken … (written by) (segment “Machine Kids”)
Elizabeth Wright Shapiro … (written by) (segment “Middleschool Date”) (as Elizabeth Shapiro)
Patrik Forsberg … (written by) (segment “Tampax”) &
Olle Sarri … (written by) (segment “Tampax”)
Jacob Fleisher … (written by) (segment “Happy Birthday”)
Greg Pritikin … (written by) (segment “Truth Or Dare”)
Rocky Russo … (written by) (segment “Victory’s Glory”) &
Jeremy Sosenko … (written by) (segment “Victory’s Glory”)
James Gunn … (written by) (segment “Beezel”)
Bob Odenkirk … (uncredited)
Genre: Raunch
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Your son with the restricted television privileges.
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: People who defend actors and actresses.

 

It took me half a day just to add the imdb links to this stupid film; just click on one and make me happy.

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