I can’t honestly tell if this film comes from a place of sexual confidence or sexual immaturity. Given China’s track record with censorship, I’m inclined to side with “immature.” Listen, you made an entire film here chronicling the frivolous lives of gigolos – even with humorous intent, your failure to show any sex in this film is kinda criminal.
This is the kind of picture where a studly trainer can enter a gym replete with women, all of whom “need” one-on-one assistance, and when he comes over, the object is less to work on your own body and more to ogle, grope, clench, squat, and rub against the alpha male, all while tittering like you’ve got a nursemaid solo in The Mikado (apologies for mixing Chinese/Japanese here). And the direction follows suit, practically tittering with the girls. BTW, try getting away with this scene and sexes reversed; just see what happens.
Out-of-shape/out-of-practice Future Cheung (Sandra Ng, playing a man! The cuts are impressive; I really did think I was looking at a man) retreats to his roots to find the inner gigolo contained; help the Future get its groove back, if you will. If this film were a Rocky or Karate Kid film, it would be funnie
r than intended. Do you not love the idea of a Miyagi for gigolos? Phrases like: “Daniel-son, show me paint fence!” take on a whole new meaning.
Louis Koo shows up so that I can recognize somebody from a recent film, which is nice, but his Miyaga-ing was decidedly brief.
12 Golden Ducks can be summed up in one set of scenes – the four main gigolos (or “Ducks” and if you count twelve during the entire film, your imagination beats the heck out of mine) have to buy their way into an influential party. The fellas are pretty interchangeable (well, aside from the fact that one is actually a woman, of course); none of their backstories has much depth to it. All they can afford is half, but they’re good for the rest. The party is actually thirty officers and these sitting Ducks, and before anything even mildly indecent happens, the fellas are arrested for prostitution. They pause for some hilarious photo ops on the way to the van. That’s the fun part. Then they’re booked (not so fun), and for the rest of the film, the fellow who sold them the party tickets and has to date only received half asks without irony or comedy for the rest of his money (not fun to the point of being disturbing).
I’d ask for the rest of my money, but I snuck in. I should have snuck right back out.
♪In the Year of the Goat/Sheep
I snatched the following:
12 Years a Slave
I Am Eleven
3:10 to Yuma
9, District
Eight Crazy Nights
Seven Psychopaths
6 Big Heroes
12 Golden Ducks!
Paranormal 4
3D IMAX Glasses
Two versions of The Loft
And Madea starring Tyler Perry♫
Not Rated, 84 Minutes
D: Matt Chow
W: Matt Chow
Genre: Tittering
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Teen girls who are almost ready for the idea of sex
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: The mature
♪ Parody inspired by “The Twelve Days of Christmas”
