3 Idiotas

I’ll just take a dos equis instead

T hey’re not really idiots, just engineers. Common mistake. Told almost entirely in flashback, 3 Idiotas follows antics at La Universidad de Monster … or is it Baja Cal Tech? I dunno, Suffice to say it’s a Mexican engineering school, replete with clever and sporadically conformist students. Three would-be friends (Alfonso Dosal, Christian Vazquez, German Valdez) meet and immediately bond over electrocuting a bully’s scrotum. It’s ok. He’s a bully. These first-day actions, however, instantly set up a self-destructive dynamic between themselves and the bigger bully: the evil, demanding, and inexplicably powerful Professor Escalona (Rodrigo Murray). Oh, and Pancho (Dosal) is in love with Mariana (Martha Higareda), who just happens to be Escalona’s daughter. Antics! C’mon fellas, let’s go ruin a wedding.

At the start of 3 Idiotas in present time, Pancho is missing, so we have to go back and find out why. Yeah, so then the guys … blah, blah, blah. You can’t possibly still be reading this, can you? C’mon, man. It’s a non-musical Mexican remake of an eight-year-old Bollywood film. It’s currently polling 3.9 on imdb (it’s not that bad, but it certainly isn’t worth recommending); what part of that description could possibly drive you to make that trip? Even if you knew of the original, would you want to see the remake?  Forget it. I’ve written over 1,300 reviews. This one ain’t special in any way. sigh I should really work on the layout stuff here. See how the “ABOUT THE AUTHOR” statement runs into the banner? That’s been true for years and I’ve never done anything about it. “Blog upkeep” just never meant mechanics. Oh, and the “Popular Articles” to the right has to change, too. Strict number of comments is a terrible way to determine popularity. That’s ridiculous. … huh, what else is going on? Our cat just threw up again. God, I hate that cat. How is it cats are capable of learning, but can’t be taught anything?

My family had a dog when I was a kid. We had a few, actually, but my favorite was a ninety-pound pile of fur named Nelson, an Old English Sheepdog. I loved that dog. Took him on my paper route every day. Nelson was the least instinctual canine I’d ever known. Had no natural protection reflex for humans or domicile. He cared nothing about the mailman, cats, squirrels, cars. Everybody was a friend. And I swear if you were out playing basketball, he actually wanted you to pass him the ball. Nelson felt protective about exactly one (1) thing: his rubber duck. I shit you not. A robber could break in at 2 a.m. and Nelson would barely lift his head, but if you squeezed rubber duck anywhere in the house, that dog would come running, teeth bared; he would locate the helpless braying toy and position his furry paws and body in a triangular fortress around the duck, fully willing to attack any potential threat, a complete Jekyll/Hyde from his default demeanor of love. That dog protecting his duck — it was the most adorable thing. Nelson was epileptic; we had to euthanize when he was five. Damn sad day.

What’s that? Huh?  I digressed. 3 Idiotas is a tolerable yet pale imitation of the original. If you must watch this film, find the Indian version. But I’d be a little surprised if you sought either. I’d be even more surprised if you made it to this sentence. Look me up; you deserve a present for making it this far.

A flashback of friends in the round
When one among three can’t be found
As for summary, your attention may shrivel
Come for preview, enjoy the drivel

Rated PG-13, 106 Minutes
D: Carlos Bolado
W: Antonio Abascal, Carlos Bolado, Cory Brusseau, Martha Higareda
Genre: Failing your way to the top
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Hispanic Americans desperate for Spanish language feature films
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Musical fans

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