Reviews

Lost & Found

From Justin to Kelly had already been in the 99 cent bin for five years when “actor” Justin Kelly made his debut. I don’t think you have an excuse, kid; that’s a name you have to change. You don’t begin acting careers with names like Paul Blart, Bucky Larson, or Ishtar. Forgivable only on the score of being Canadian, Justin Kelly is indeed the star of Lost & Found, a weak excuse to bring back treasure hunting to movies.

Honestly, I don’t know why the treasure hunting isn’t bigger in film form. The plot is simple, the motivation obvious, and the metaphor of a man seeking treasure but finding himself is always prevalent. The Indiana Jones films are all, essentially, treasure hunts and those were huge hits, even the stupid alien one. Lost & Found notwithstanding, this is a good idea.

On Walton Island, there is treasure. So much treasure, it would seem, that the island was named after the late Grandpa Walton, who said his last goodnight to Justin-boy some years ago. So well hidden is this treasure that the island is losing its name to rivals, including John Broman (Cary Elwes). Does this happen?  Can you just rename islands based on who’s in charge?  Please, please don’t tell that to The Donald.  Meanwhile, in a regular part of the world, Andy Walton (Kelly) is busy demonstrating the thin line between hero and jackass. Treated as the ultimate failure, his close-second tape-touch at the big high school swim meet sparks a series of bad moves that get him banished to Walton Island for the summer to live with uncle Jason Patric. There, Andy can learn the true meaning of loser while watching his uncle get bullied. Luckily, his younger brother Mark (Benjamin Stockham) and would-be gf Claire (Celeste Desjardins) are also present on Walton Island because the screenplay wanted to punish them as well.

Everyone knows Grandpa Walton hid treasure somewhere on the island, but the denizens have been far too daft to find it. Geez, people, how hard did you look? The Walton boys have a leg up, however, with some clues available only to them. Fortunately for us, Andy can take the fun out of anything, even treasure hunting. But don’t get me wrong, his fun vacuum isn’t limited to hidden treasure; he’s also really bad at romance. And not just teenage awkward; Andy will make you question how couples ever get together. Hint: if you’re taking “woo-ing” lessons from your pre-pubescent younger brother, you might just give up. For you, this part of life is going to happen by accident or not-at-all.

I’m not sure how long we’ve been waiting for the Dread Pirate Roberts to act like the Dread Pirate Roberts, but Cary Elwes makes a decent plastic villain here. That said, there isn’t a single facet of this production suggesting this film should be watched on a screen other than one associated with flip trays, headphones, and a small bag of honey roasted peanuts. Lost & Found would be better served as Lost & Found & Lost Again.

Andy saw his college scholarship fried
When his failures unearthed no upside
Yet exists secret carried
A large fortune, buried
Why didn’t you ask gramps ‘fore he died?

Not Rated, 90 Minutes
Director: Joseph Itaya
Writer: Joseph Itaya, Erik Cardona
Genre: Treasure!
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: The slight of imagination
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People uncomfortable with evil Cary Elwes

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