While watching this two-hour documentary about Led Zeppelin, it occurred to me that I don’t really like the music of Led Zeppelin. It occurs to me now that if you’re reading this statement, you almost certainly feel otherwise. I apologize. I guess I’m not writing to fans. Truth is, I never do. I’m writing to the curious. And in this case, I’m writing to the Led curious. I’m answering the question, “If I knew nothing about Led Zeppelin, would I enjoy this documentary?”
My guess: no, you would not.
Here’s something: did you know that Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones backed up Shirley Bassey on the Goldfinger soundtrack? That seemed kinda fun. Turns out lead guitarist Page, bass guitarist Jones, and drummer John Bonham were all established, capable, and well regarded freelance UK musicians when Page put together his own version of the Yardbirds in 1968. Robert Plant was the outlier in a few ways – his voice (certainly unique among rock musicians –was not considered “can’t miss” and Mrs. John Bonham thought he was a terrible influence (“don’t play with that Plant-y”).
Page took a chance and eventually this quartet would form one of the greatest bands in rock ‘n’ roll history. (Just because I’m not a fan doesn’t mean I lack respect. Led Zeppelin IS one of the greatest bands in rock ‘n’ roll history. Period. End of story.)
It takes a full hour of screentime (and spectacularly bad cinematography) to even mention the words “Led Zeppelin.” I’m not kidding. The documentary was so fascinated with the musical minutiae origins of the players, it forgot to get to the punchline. Instead, we get to learn all about how John Paul Jones was an organist and choirmaster at age 14. I suppose there is human interest there. It certainly isn’t for lack of trying – all four members are interviewed again and again and again. Truth be told, it reminded me of This Is Spinal Tap, only uncut and without the humor. But don’t worry; when the band becomes Led Zeppelin and the film switched to concert footage, the cinematography gets even worse.
There are some quality bits here. I love how the Middle Earth audience reacted with complete indifference to a young Led Zeppelin, clearly having selected the wrong crowd. I did especially like how
Led Zeppelin became a hit in the United States several months before England found their sound attractive. So over here, they’re gods, but back home, they’re just tossers. Whatever joy found in the previous is offset by things like a Denmark recording of “How Many More Times” that went on many more times than it should have.
Becoming Led Zeppelin made a big deal about how their first reviews were pans. Page was criticized for engaging in self-indulgent drivel, which I imagine will happen when you produce your own albums. The thing is -as I watch Page take a violin bow to his guitar- his music is certainly self-indulgent. Drivel is in the eye of the beholder. I think Led Zeppelin fans will consider this film a must see. No question. If that did it for me, I’d have walked out of the theater happy.
There was once a guitarist named Page
Who invented his persona on stage
He got out the Led
And was panned , but instead
His followers hailed him as a post-modern sage
Rated PG-13, 122 Minutes
Director: Bernard MacMahon
Writer: Bernard MavMahon, Allison McGourty
Genre: “They don’t make music like that no more!”
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Led Heads
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: If you don’t dig the music of Led Zeppelin, repeated clips of seven minutes on stage in the late 1960s won’t help.
