I take no pleasure in this. Wait. I take some pleasure in this. Wait. Ok, I take a lot of pleasure in this. BUT, by “this” I mean trashing these films and nothing more … and only because they brought me such pain.
Fair is fair.
Ex. You offer a documentary full of lies; I tell you it’s a form of rabid raccoon diarrhea and -in a just world- you would have no audience and a 24/7 public fact-checker. But that isn’t the way life works, so I will have to settle for this way of telling you I hated your film; the best I can say about any of the films below is that after this list is published, I probably won’t ever give any of them a second thought unsolicited.
Let’s go.
DISHONORABLE MENTION
I know. I know. I know. You’re saying, “HOW CAN THIS TURDBURGER NOT BE IN YOUR BOTTOM 10?!” And the answer, unfortunately is, “I see more films than you do.”
This is what happens when you’re going for Chinatown and instead find a humorless version of Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.
Huh. I thought we were supposed to get three of these films last year … I wonder what happened?
Does it give me any pleasure at all to trash Peppa Pig? It didn’t before I watched this absolute rip-off of a film. It may as well be called: Peppa Pig’s Wallet Heist.
Is AI a real threat to humanity? I have no idea, because I saw Afraid.
Guadalupe: Madre de la Humanidad
A sad reminder that Godsquad dreck is not limited to English speakers.
Kudos to the inventive soul who encouraged Michael Shannon to sing! Now, please, rot in Hell where you belong.
THE BOTTOM TEN
10. Bloated architects: The Brutalist, Megalopolis
You do not get it
There is no special award
For excess runtime
Hard to believe that
There were blergher films than this
Golden Turkey champ
8. Harold and the Purple Crayon
The time has arrived
For the world to deny
Zachary Levi
7. Gunner
That other Hemsworth
Does he share brother’s talents?
No no no no no
6. Rumours
Biggest mystery
In this confusing blah-fest:
How to spell “Rumors”
5. Angel Studios: Cabrini, Sight, Sound of Hope: The Story of Possum Trot, Bonhoeffer, Homestead
God God God God God
Slant slant slant slant slant slant slant
Audience pander
4. Holier Than Thou: The Forge, The Shift, Ezra, Unsung Hero, The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
More God, lies, God, lies
You’d imagine Christians have
Nothing else to do
3. The Exorcism
Yeah, Russell Crowe here
Still, no need for people to
Take seriously
I’d rather be torn
Limb from limb by a yeti
Than watch this again
1. The lies the Right tells itself: Reagan, Am I Racist?, Vindicating Trump, The Man You Don’t Know
When oblivion
Has more sway to morons than
Speaking truth to power
