It is both right and fitting that we in 2025 have to accept B-level, minor-league superheroes. It goes spectacularly well with where we are as a people and a nation. There are no superhumans running our government or our country at the moment, so why should we expect our heroes to be anything greater than “Black Widow’s sister” or “off-the-rack Captain America” or “Bob.”
That’s right, “Bob.” Here’s a superhero film that introduces and celebrates Bob (Lewis Pullman).
The cynical among us might stop here. I mean, after all, what’s the point of the Avengers B-Team? These guys are disgustingly mortal, WTF?! And not only are they physically human, they are mentally human; they have personality flaws as well! Geez, what am I rooting for, then? And here’s the thing: while I’m not sure any of these jokers would last five seconds against Superman, I find it much easier to relate to flawed heroes. We might all aspire to be Captain America, but we’re gonna fall shy of that. While perfection is sought, mediocrity is attainable — and much easier to relate to. This is one of the key things Thunderbolts* has going for it.
The Avengers are dead, all having been lost to the War on Christmas waged by Democrats years ago. CIA Director Valentina Allegra de Fointaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) wants to recreate the Avengers, but has so far only employed means that are either illegal, immoral, or both. This is kind of her M.O. as she is constantly asking mock-heroes to do illegal things under the guise of a “greater good.” After an ugly congressional hearing, Valentina decides to destroy all evidence of her illegalities; this includes doing away with several mock Avengers she has doing tasks.
This film is really about Yelena Belova (Florence Pugh – who is brilliant here as the conflicted B Team leader), the assassin sister to Black Widow. Her contradictory personality can be summed up in a moment where she blithely reports that she’s accomplished her mission (a Malaysian lab blows up in the background) while having rescued a guinea pig from that lab. Stuck in existential Hell, Yelena has the blues. She needs purpose. She’s not quite suicidal, but she’s finding it hard to summon reasons for the destruction she creates. She and three other minor league heroes are sent deep into a silo, each with secret orders to kill one-another. One hero, Taskmaster, is already dead before the trio realize it’s all trap.
And that’s where they find Bob, a seemingly normal guy who for the next twenty minutes will survive entirely on Yelena’s malaise. Yelena is proving too emotionally beaten to be callous and takes pity on their misplaced amnesia-stricken new buddy.
The striking thing about this group is all of these characters are reject heroes. It only seems too perfect that they’re eventually joined by Congressman Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan), the former Captain America nemesis, and Red Guardian (David Harbour), the discount Russian Captain America. All of these guys can win a fight, but none are the dog you’d bet on. Appropriately and hilariously
enough, they collectively adopt the name “Thunderbolts*,” lifted directly from Yelena’s winless grammar-school soccer team.
Oh, and these guys are going to have to survive the underground silo blowing up and then save the world. This is where you really could use some Avengers.
Thunderbolts* was a blast. It immediately jumps to a top-5 list of films that end with punctuation. A sharp mix of direction and editing found the exact right tone between world-saving heroes and all-too-modest anti-heroes. And the truth is obvious in retrospection: superheroes are boring. They just are. They don’t die and you have to imagine elaborate scenarios (like the trolley problem) by which they choose not to do the right thing. Three semi-powerful people actively challenging whether they have the ability given time constraints to save the fourth? That’s interesting. Three semi-powerful people stuck in a pit when none of them can fly or stretch or web or bat-a-rang their way out? That’s interesting. This film had some fun and made the Marvel world pop again, which has been very rare of late. I definitely want to see Thunderbolts* 2.
A throng stuck in superhero purgatory
None likely to get the girl or the glory
But if they work as a team
And get folks to livestream
It’s possible they will get another story
Rated PG-13, 127 Minutes
Director: Jake Schreier
Writer: Eric Pearson, Joanna Calo, Kurt Busiek
Genre: Second-hand heroes
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Underachievers
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Bureaucrats
