Movies don’t get any worse than this. To understand and appreciate this film, you have to buy into a mentality that imagines a keyboard jockey, his conspiracy theorist son, and his Amazon driver son-in-law are the only ones in the entire world who have the ability to save it … and also are the only ones in the entire world who seem to want to save it.
Oh, it doesn’t end there. You also have to fear ID theft so much that you literally believe aliens would come to Earth to steal our data. I’m not making this up. The aliens have invaded Earth and have gone straight to our “data centers” to steal our social security numbers and mortgage papers.
Think about that for a second. Imagine you’re the President of the United States and you are threatened by, say, the people of Mars. So you go all the way to Mars to … steal their data. Do you see how stupid that sounds? Who wrote this plot? A fixed-income octogenarian? But it gets even worse than that. Just wait until the world is saved by an Amazon delivery. I’m serious. This film -produced by Amazon Prime- is one giant ad. A FUCKING COMMERCIAL.
FUCK YOU, AMAZON. FUCK YOU, JEFF BEZOS.
Ok, lemme backtrack. 98% of War of the Worlds is DHS specialist William Radford (Ice Cube) sitting at a keyboard, punching keys, and overacting. Apparently, the rest of the DHS has gone home that day, which seems an oversight as it’s the very day aliens invade. I don’t want to say you made a silly film quite at this juncture, BUT, aren’t the kind of people who dream up “data theft” and alien invasions as the biggest threats to America the same ones who come armed to the gills and ready for a fight? Nobody seems to be resisting these aliens.
And … alien data theft … this was done to us already in real life. Is that where you got the idea? Earlier this year. By DOGE, run by an alien. You fuckers are all up in arms that literal and metaphorical aliens need to be deported, but you didn’t seem to care when Elon Musk was stealing our sensitive information, did you?
My first big clue that this film was a pile of Dune sandworm droppings was when the “Breaking News” cuts all had a FOX logo. Yeah, that’s where you want to get your breaking news from. Because lemme tell ya: if an alien invasion looks bad for our current President, this is the news you’ll get:
CNN – ALIENS INVADE!
ABC – ALIENS INVADE!
MSNBC – ALIENS INVADE!
FOX – HILLARY’S EMAILS!
Ice Cube spends most of his time at work spying on his own children. I’m not kidding. He uses the awesome intrusive powers of his office to make sure his pregnant daughter is eating properly and his rebel son is not delinquent. And, yet, when aliens invade, this guy, AND ONLY THIS GUY, is the sole source of information. Naturally, Mr. Cube intuits that the gangly bastards are after data, to rid Earth of every last credit score, music score, and box score.
Oh, and there’s a secret non-government underground entity “Goliath” who knows all the secrets the government isn’t telling. Goliath is, of course, the truth teller. I shouldn’t have to tell anybody at this moment that promoting conspiracy theories is how 1) we ended up with President Trump and 2) we followed through with his idiot agenda. It is high time to stop listening to crackpots. Seriously, just stop. This is irresponsible.
And some amount of clacking and acting later, the film had the nerve to get preachy on us. The all-knowing teenager drops, “The difference between right and wrong is the truth.” I’m sorry, but no it isn’t. Often these things have nothing
to do with one another. Right will remain right regardless of whether it is presented as truth or a lie. I understand how we get to this place in a post-truth world, but that doesn’t make your gobbledy-gook a piece of wisdom.
It’s pretty embarrassing that nobody but Ice Cube seems to be fighting the aliens. And to help fight the aliens, Ice Cube recruits family members. That’s it. And Ice Cube can’t seem to exit the building properly. Isn’t that a fire hazard? And then, of course, the Earth is saved by an Amazon delivery. Oh Lord, this was a giant ad.
Now, I generally don’t have problems with single perspective/single POV films. I’m thinking John Cho in Searching or Jake Gyllenhaal in The Guilty. But those films knew how to use the release of new information to build suspense. Whenever a piece if new information blindsides the screenplay, Ice Cube clickety clacks and we have resolution within 60 seconds. This is a terrible action film. This is a terrible sci-fi film. This is a terrible message film. This is a terrible horror -wait, this is a horror film? Really? OK fine. This is also a terrible horror film. And if it weren’t all of these things, it should be condemned for promoting conspiracy theories and absolutely skewered for promoting Amazon Prime. This could well be my pick for worst film of 2025.
There once was a fed geek named Bill
Who spent his life spying at will
Then the aliens came
His patter? The same
And, yet, the agency lauded his skill
Rated PG-13, 91 Minutes
Director: Rich Lee
Writer: Kenny Golde, Marc Hyman
Genre: Things that wouldn’t happen even if they happened
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Conspiracy theorist morons
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anybody with an ounce of taste and/or sense
