Here’s a movie that was fun for a full fifteen minutes until morphing into a Pro-Life ad. I think may of us have had Threesome fantasies. What, me? Well, for me, no way. Never considered such a thing. Never, ever. Maybe.
For the rest of YOU, well, this film will be fun for a little while.
Connor (Jonah Hauer-King) is in love with his on-again-off-again ex Olivia (Zoey Deutch), a waitress who doesn’t seem to have the stomach for his antics. So after Olivia blows him off at her restaurant, Connor -encouraged by a friend- starts hitting on Jenny (Ruby Cruz), a pretty girl who has been stood up.
This makes Olivia jealous … of course it does. Hence, she inserts herself into their conversation, and pretty soon, the three all go out for drinking, dancing, and eventual sex.
Can’t say I really understand Threesome sex; doesn’t somebody get left out? Well, that’s what I’d be worried about, at least. “Ok, people, is everybody both stimulating someone and receiving stimulation? Look, we either play fair or we get dressed this instant!” FWIW, The Threesome is fun during this mini-courtship where Connor and Olivia adopt Jenny and everybody seems to be having a (finger) blast.
And then. All too soon, the film isn’t fun. Olivia is pregnant. Jenny is pregnant. Connor is presumed the father of both. Most of the film takes place in dead-red Arkansas, so there’s definitely a message to be had when Olivia goes to Illinois for an abortion.
The film could have gone any number of ways at this point – perhaps instructing the viewer on why abortions can’t happen in Arkansas, or how pregnancy will decimate choices for Olivia and Jenny in the future, or perhaps an exploration of polygamy in the 21st century. There are any number of choices and directions the film could have gone. However, this is a American film in my lifetime which means that no matter how much abortion is teased, it will never
happen. We’re simply left with the sad plot of which baby/baby mama will Connor choose, and what happens to the other?
The Pro-Life crowd wields far more power than its numbers suggest; this has been true my entire life. It is most true now. Public opinion on choice hasn’t changed in fifty years and, yet, choice options for Americans are rarer than ever. Every time a problem pregnancy happens in an American film, the film becomes an ad for the Pro-Life movement. I’m tired of this. And I’m disgusted that a fun sex comedy turned out to be yet another Pro-Life hit job. Writer, director, studio: grow some balls. If she can’t actually afford to have her fictional child, let’s -for once- not make her have one.
In the very least, The Threesome was fun while everybody was young and sexually active. Once pregnancy was introduced, The Threesome was a serious downer. Way to turn a romcom into a hopeless one-dimensional message of consequences.
Olivia and Jenny and Connor
Decided their night wouldn’t be a yawner
Sloughing doldrums instead
They all got in bed
Which was great until the guy was a spawner
Rated R, 112 Minutes
Director: Chad Hartigan
Writer: Ethan Ogilby
Genre: Movies that start out fun
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: I’m not sure, really. Pro-lifers who secretly covet multiple simultaneous partners? Does such an animal exist … outside of Mormonism?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “Oh goody, yet another Pro-Life ad ”
