Do you know what the afterlife is all about? Neither do I. But here’s a film that has a stab at it. And for a throwaway romance that barely skirts the major issues of theology, Eternity is strangely deep and very moving. It starts with the question of: “How do you want to spend Eternity?” yet works its way up to: “What, exactly, is happiness?” Is happiness the thrill of a first sexual encounter, the seemingly endless bliss of falling in love, or is it the steady tolerable presence of someone you’d much sooner describe as “friend” than “lover?” Or none of the above?
The film has an answer, but I’m thinking the questions are still on the table.
Larry (Barry Primus, old, Miles Teller, dead) and Joan (Betty Buckley, old, Elizabeth Olsen, dead) are OLD. Godawful old. Like “people who remember the 1940s” old. Arguing-over-nothing-and-then-forgetting-about-it old. Joan has terminal cancer, but Larry buys it first when he chokes on a pretzel at a gender reveal party.
For a while, this is Larry’s movie. The Miles Teller version of him finds a waystation where his Afterlife Coordinator, Anna (Da’Vine Joy Randolph), first has to convince Larry that he died, then steer him to the afterlife of his choice. The waystation is like a giant hotel where the lobby consists of kiosks as far as the eye can see, each advertising an Eternity of choice and a train station to take you there. There’s Christian afterlife, Muslim afterlife, Summer Camp afterlife, Fifty Shades of Grey afterlife, Spongebob afterlife, whatever, it’s all there. The thing is that once you choose, you cannot return. Choose wisely.
Larry isn’t the kind of guy who has set ideas on what location will make him happy for Eternity; he just knows that he can’t spend it without Joan, his wife of 60+ years. Oh, but there’s an issue there. See, Joan was married to Luke (Callum Turner) before she married Larry. That marriage lasted just long enough for a very young Luke to die in the Korean War. And he’s waited 65 years at this waystation for Joan to show up. Awwwwwwwww.
Well, readers, who belongs with Joan? Her first flame, a handsome young war hero who died before his time … or the steady emotionally-dependent blob who has given her a life and a family? The film makes no bones that, on paper, Luke is the better catch. So, Larry, state your case, man. You have sixty-five more years of experience here. Why did Joan fall in love with you, and what can you do to prove she’s better off with you for all time?
Of course, the obvious solution is that Larry, Luke, and Joan all get together, pick a reasonable afterlife they can all enjoy and Joan splits time with both. I’m not sure it’s right that she’s forced to pick when both men have legitimate claims on the union. But, hey, let’s all be adults, right? Well, it’s a movie, so Luke and Larry are both possessive and angry about it and each insists on different afterlives. Luke likes a wintry cabin in the woods; Larry – more-or-less- prefers the beach, sorta. Beach world kinda sucks in this vision, if you ask me, a person who would definitely prefer warm to cold.
The dilemma as I see it is that for all his myriad faults … and “myriad” doesn’t begin to describe
how mediocre Larry is … Larry is us. He is the guy who has put in the time and wants a reasonable outcome based on consistent effort. But Luke is the person you will always prefer … and maybe Luke is a fantasy. Maybe “Luke” is Mark Ruffalo or Ryan Gosling or Margot Robbie or that neighbor or high school crush you kissed once. It doesn’t matter. Point is if you really love the person you love, shouldn’t their happiness be more important to you than your own? And if that is true, how can you deny them their eternal bliss, huh?
And, hey, what is free choice anyway?
Eternity is one of my dark horses for 2025. It seems like yet another shallow romance with silly people and disposable comedy. But this film is far deeper and more moving than any Hallmark or Christmas offering. And while the film pretends to explore the afterlife, in reality it is an exploration of real life asking what makes your person, your life, your situation, your milieu special? What exactly makes your relationship worth having for Eternity? It’s relatively easy to get yourself in a romcom situation, giggle over a Christmas tree and a snowball fight, but it is difficult to extrapolate such to the end of time and decide that’s what you want. Christmas giggles don’t last … or do they?
There once was a woman named Joan
Twice widowed and left on her own
When her own heart stopped
She had to opt
Pick a hubby or go to heaven alone?
Rated PG-13, 114 Minutes
Director: David Freyne
Writer: Patrick Cunnane, David Freyne
Genre: Existentialism beyond existence
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Mediocre men
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anybody who already knows what the afterlife is
