Is this a new trend in plots and titles? After The Beekeeper, I’m thinking it has to be. And the weird trend is … Giving your titular lead a matching true profession and metaphorical profession. You see, Jason Statham plays a physical keeper of bees in the field and a professional “keeper” of “bees” in his “field.” See how that works?
Today, Daisy Ridley plays a window Cleaner who has a skill set capable of cleaning up terrorism, which, coincidentally, the plot of this movie. Before I go on, how interested are we in this trend? I can’t wait for The Closer, a movie about a professional drapes puller who doubles as an expert in business deals … The Ice Man, a film about an ice cream truck vendor who keeps people on hold in his spare time … and, finally, The Hitter, a DH for the Toronto Blue Jays who doubles as an assassin. I might go see the last one. “I can’t take that job in Anaheim until Mother’s Day weekend …”
Joey Locke (Ridley) is a former member of Britain’s Special Reconnaissance Regiment. I don’t know what that is, either, but I imagine you need some serious skills to deal. Now, she’s a window washer. There is a story in that transition, albeit a sad one. And she has an autistic brother who has to come along on her Cleaner jobs from time-to-time. And this just happens to be one of those times as terrorists have taken over the Nakatomi Building, or whatever fool Die Hard plot we’re going with in this film.
I always feel like there are better ways to get these things done, terrorists. I mean, if this ever worked, we might see it IRL, would we not? Agnian Energy Company is holding its annual shareholder gala in the building and eco-terrorists have decided to kick ass, take names, and force renewable energy at gunpoint. [Lord knows, nothing else is working.] Hey, score
one for bad-guy diversity! People, Left Wingers can be terrorists, too!
[This was truer in the 1970s. Now? It’s almost all RW terrorism in the US, and fuck you for pretending otherwise.]
Doesn’t matter. Point is, terrorists have taken over the Nakatomi and one rogue anti-terror wrecking machine is in the wrong place at the right time.
So aside from being ridiculously derivative, is Cleaner any good? I can’t say much sticks out besides the derivative stuff. I suppose a coup in the middle of a hostage situation is kinda new. It’s also kinda stupid. One hopes that when you get to the hostage part of a building takeover, all the bad guys are on the same page. Meh. What did I expect? This is a film in which a woman jumping out of a high rise saves herself via drone. It’s not good fiction, but it certainly is fiction. And I’m waiting for Daisy Ridley to give me a good reason to remember who she is.
There once was a Cleaner named Locke
Whose skill set gave bad guys a shock
She washed windows by day
And when terror came to play
They found her squeegee doubled as a Glock
Rated R, 97 Minutes
Director: Martin Campbell
Writer: Simon Uttley, Paul,Andrew Williams, Matthew Orton
Genre: Not at all derivative
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Daisy Ridley believers
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “If they’re gonna make another Die Hard, can they make a good one?”
