Is this like “The Beekeeper,” where Jason Statham plays both a literal and figurative “beekeeper?” For GOAT is the disgustingly overused sports acronym “Greatest Of All Time” and don’t get me started about where this etymology came from, for it wasn’t terribly long ago that “goat” literally meant the guy who cost you the game. It’s like if ten years from now “asshole” meant someone infinitely revered and adored. Anyhoo, GOAT, the movie, stars a goat as a potential GOAT. Goat it? Good.
The game of roarball is played by large anthropomorphic animals in some sort of Zootopia adjacent alternate universe. No, Zootopia is never invoked in the film; I just wanted to give you a feel. Roarball is dominated by large mammals, bears, rhinos, giraffes, etc. A young adult goat, Will Harris (voice of Caleb McLaughlin) idolizes a black panther, Jett Fillmore (Gabrielle Union), once the best player in roarball. Will aspires to be just like her and play on her local professional team, the Vineland Thorns.
Roarball is essentially basketball, btw, just with animation rules.
Will has a deadly outside shot for roarball, but as the game is dominated (and populated entirely) by “bigs,” no one will take his talent seriously. While the Thorns have gotten off to a terrible start, Will is having similar woes, finding himself unable to pay rent. Naturally, he sells his sneakers and then bets the wad on a street game against the current best player in roarball, a horse named Mane Attraction (Aaron Pierre).
Even in the bizarro world of animated animal sports, I gotta object to this one. Imagine, I dunno, LeBron James taking time away from his NBA schedule to go humiliate nobodys on a street court next to the Santa Monica pier. That doesn’t make sense on any level. Nevertheless, Will lays it all on the line to face Mane one-on-one. Early on, Will is successful and pretty cocky about it which kinda turns my stomach. You really ought to win -or at least be a winner- before you trash-talk. After a couple of buckets, however, Mane realizes he’s much bigger and stronger and, unfortunately, roarball is one of countless sports in which being bigger and stronger matters.
For the record, the film never asks, nor figures out, how Will can compensate defensively. My first thought after watching Will lose to Mane was “he’s gonna have to learn how to play defense, 
eventually.” He never does. Fantastic, movie. I guess you’ve improved upon the Space Jam narrative where every basket is a dunk. Now, every basket is either a dunk or a three-pointer. But cartoon basketball hasn’t really evolved beyond that.
Despite Will’s loss, a video is made of him schooling Mane Attraction early on. The Vineland owner immediately signs Will on the spot where he is unwelcomed by all of his teammates. This is the controversy in the film – not Will figuring out that the pro game is more difficult and challenging than the one he’s been playing, but just figuring out how to get his teammates to respect him. And, of course, eventually Will has success. Yay. Go team. Beat state.
I won’t call this film disappointing so much as kind of empty. It’s a foregone conclusion that Will is going to succeed if given the chance. That’s a good message, but highly unrealistic and horribly ignorant of the amount of work it takes to champion a professional field of any kind. I know it’s for kids and it’s about believing in yourself and fighting bullies. These are all good things ..,but Will is going to have serious growing pains as roarball noob. Dismissing, downplaying, or ignoring them completely in favor of playing up teammate animosity does us a disservice. He’s certainly never gonna be the GOAT if he can’t play defense.
What did I like about this film? I liked imagining how various animals might play basketball. Oh, and I was a big fan of the home court advantage in GOAT. For instance, the Vineland Thorns play on a surface covered in thorns (doesn’t that pop the roarball?). The Arctic-themed team (consisting of polar bears and snow leopards and such) plays in a giant igloo with something resembling a hockey surface to dribble on. Good stuff. Good enough to recommend? GOAT ain’t even the GOAT of basketball movies in the last year.
There was once a young hoopster named Will
Who was too small for roarball, but still
He wanted to dance
And when given a chance
He played defense like a chunk of landfill
Rated PG, 100 Minutes
Director: Tyree Dillihay, Adam Rosette
Writer: Aaron Buchsbaum, Teddy Riley, Nicolas Curcio
Genre: The weird world of animated sport
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Little players with big dreams
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Bullies
