She’s unhappy; he has a mild drinking problem. There’s your movie. I just saved you a chunk of your life.
For a film that was only 90 minutes, Midwinter Break felt like it took an entire midwinter break. To say “nothing happened” is to insult films where nothing actually does happen. I feel like Midwinter Break had a negative amount of things actually happen, for the one true and memorable thing that does happen is so completely in the past that it is almost irrelevant to the film on screen.
Stella (Lesley Manville) and Gerry (Ciarán Hinds) are an old Irish couple going through the blahs. Their lives are quiet and uneventful, which seems to be how Gerry likes it, but Stella has hit lately upon misgivings. Is she tired of Gerry? Yes and no. Mostly, she’s being eaten alive by her past. Unfortunately for us, the torment is completely interior, which means all there is on film is a sour Lesley Manville.
For kicks, the couple visits Amsterdam, as if a change of location by itself can make something happen in this film.
It doesn’t.
I mean, super, we now have other things to look at besides the interior of yet another dour Irish domicile. But exploring the interior of a Dutch hotel room is not exactly Fast & Furious territory. Keep in mind, nothing consequential or even inconsequential happens in this film, and we still don’t know why Stella is sore, but it might have something to do with the terror attack decades ago. Once upon a time, Stella was shot while pregnant. The baby lived.
The weird thing is that it takes Stella 45 minutes of film to decide she’s bored with her life. Stella, I got there 40 minutes ago. At some point, she and Gerry battle over God. It’s not exactly a theological death match. It is simply that Gerry isn’t spiritual in the slightest and Stella wishes he were.
For the sake of spicing up this review, I will say that 
while I’m not a big fan of whatever God there is, I do most earnestly hope that there is a Hell, if only so that Donald Trump and his minions can be tortured indefinitely. It is clear that he will never be held accountable on this plane of existence, so I’m kinda hoping there’s justice in the next.
And, of course, this is a film in which the big reveal is 100% verbal, which, essentially, means this film could have been a novel … or a pamphlet, and left well enough alone. There are many advantages of telling a story visually, and Midwinter Break took advantage of almost literally none of them. Maybe I’ll feel different about films like these when I hit a certain age, but part of me hopes I never do. This film should have been a book, and even then, I’d probably surrender after a few chapters and never pick it up again.
There was once an Irish lady called Stella
Decidedly unhappy with her fella
So they both went Dutch
As a screenplay crutch
Turns out vacation didn’t make anything swell-a
Rated PG-13, 90 Minutes
Director: Polly Findlay
Writer: Bernard MacLaverty, Nick Payne
Genre: Boring old people
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Boring old people
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anyone who still has life left in them
