Every time I give Angel Studios a chance, they prove hindrances to the growth and development of our species, all in the mantra of “God is good” as if that obviously errant “truism” means anything.
Today, Angel Studios has pissed me off -bigly- thrice: once in joining the recent bandwagon of “professionalism means nothing.” (Oh yeah, just look at Trump’s cabinet and tell me it couldn’t stand a healthy dose of professionals in the round.) Secondly with generation-baiting and most importantly with a premise that might make entertaining drama, but sad politics.
Let’s start with the third part while I remind you that Angel Studios is a Christian-based entity located in Provo, Utah. A red organization in a very red state. I find pretty much everything Christian to be problematic these days as Christians by-and-large made President Trump happen, something that never, ever should have happened once, let alone twice.
So when I see a Christian-based company make a movie about a rodeo legend who has to come out of retirement to pay for his grandson’s medical bills, I am going to be critical. Films cost millions of dollars. The Last Rodeo cost $8.5M. Imagine, Angel Studios, if you had invested those millions of dollars into promoting Universal Health Care. i.e. a situation -that the United States can 100% afford, btw- where a rodeo legend DOESN’T have to come out of retirement to pay medical bills.
Because, and listen to me very carefully, NO ONE should have to come out of retirement to pay medical bills, ESPECIALLY if your job was physically demanding or dangerous. Would I call bull riding physically demanding or dangerous? 100%.
Am I picking on Angel Studios? You’re damn right I am. Because Christian values don’t mean shit in this country when you use your influence to elevate “Christians” such as Donald Trump, Karoline Leavitt, Mike Johnson, or any other cross-bearing Nazi to a position of power. Is Angel Studios responsible for Donald Trump? Not really, but it certainly isn’t helping, now, is it?
Aging rodeo star Joe Wainwright (Angel Studio stablehand Neal McDonough) lives the quiet life of a guy who broke several bones the last time he got on a bull … fifteen years ago. I have no idea how good life is for bull riding stars, but Joe owns a ranch and has ample time to see his grandson ride bulls, too.
In one of the film’s biggest on-screen cheats, the grandson is discovered to have a brain tumor following a baseball injury. Yeah, cuz baseball is the dangerous sport here. After getting anywhere between $75k and $250k of bad news, Joe decides he needs to come out of retirement for the bull riding legends championship where the prize will cover those expenses … but only if he wins.
I am appalled at the lack of respect for professionalism shown here. The man hasn’t ridden a bull in 15 years. FIFTEEN. In a sport that isn’t terribly forgiving, btw. The film claims Joe is 50, but Neal is actually much closer to 60. Does Bull Riding have an “Old Timers” Day? I seriously doubt it. Oh, and he’s got three days to get in shape. Forget the mechanics of figuring out how to get entered into the tournament last second. Three days ain’t gonna get you from couch shape to prime rodeo shape even if you’re not over 50.
Do you remember when Michael Jordan quit basketball. mid-career? He signed
with the Chicago White Sox to play baseball. He was a terrible baseball player, comparatively. Now, do you remember when he came back to play basketball again? He was in the prime of life, worked out every single day as a professional athlete and, initially, was nowhere near peak value as a basketball player. The Bulls immediately got thumped by the Orlando Magic in the playoffs, something that never would have happened if Jordan hadn’t switched sports.
That’s Michael Jordan, arguably the greatest basketball player in the history of the sport.
And here we have a guy who hasn’t ridden a bull in fifteen years and needs to get in championship shape inside of three days. I’m sorry, that can’t be done. And no amount of taunting younger people about it is going to make it true. And no amount of prayer on film (I counted five in this particular Angel Studios prayer-a-thon) is going to make the action more action-y.
Yeah, there’s suspension of disbelief and then there’s gaslighting in film form. This is the latter. And the fact that the film sees a 50+ year-old-man getting on a bull as a way of solving a health care dilemma instead of creating one says all you need to know about the American health care system. Yeah, that metaphor works perfectly. And while we’re at it, why don’t we just get Michael Jordan and Joe Montana and Wayne Gretzky to all go back to their sports because I’m 100% sure they can still all play at championship professional level, doncha think?
As most Americans haven’t the ability to imagine a place where health care is a given, The Last Rodeo -sadly- will never be called out for stupidity of plot on that score. The film will appeal most to two distinct groups, neither of whom I appreciate. The first is the group who believe that athletes never “lose it” no matter how old, out-of-shape, or removed from their sport they become. The second is the group of Boomers and Xers who have convinced themselves the older generations are tougher than the younger ones. They aren’t. You’re just assholes.
There once was a bronc buster named Joe
Who had seen his bull riding days go
But his grandkid had a tumor
So, now, if you’ll humor
The old man is gonna return to the show
Rated PG, 116 Minutes
Director: Jon Avnet
Writer: Jon Avnet, Neal McDonough, Derek Presley
Genre: Make believe
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Aged bullies
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Realists
