I’m pretty sure Ado is actually singing, not lip-synching. And I’m pretty sure that is Ado, although how would I know? I’m also pretty sure I’ve never seen an artist with less of an audience connection. Even drunk Amy Winehouse giving up a concert after half a song let the fans she yakked on know it was she.
J-Pop star Ado has been notable since her debut single “Usseewa” which backwards is “aweessU.” It was 2020 and she just turned 18, not that anyone would know. Though very popular, Ado is known for manga avatar and otherwise reclusive behavior. Despite a hermit-like persona, Ado condescended to an arena tour and the April 27-28 show at Japanese National Stadium was caught on tape to share with the rest of the world.
And, as the world, I’d just like to say, “Yeah, I don’t see her, either. She’s like the logo of a baseball team in a commercial where the product-making company didn’t buy the rights from the MLB.” We all KNOW it’s her, I think. But as we never get to see her face, it’s hard to conclude such decisively.
Q: So how does a recluse give a sold-out concert?
A: In a cage, high above ground. I hear she’s gonna stay in the cage and take on Conor McGregor after the concert. Maybe he sings, too.
For a full hour+ of stage time, Ado was in a cage. Her backdrop was in fully animated seizure mode, cuz what else does one expect from Japan? And Ado dragged out her catchy singles which all seem to me like anime theme music. “Oh goody, we’re about to watch “Delicious in Dungeon.” When her turns aren’t so catchy. Ado seems very angry. She strikes me as the eight-month girlfriend who has finally had enough of your shit.
Not that I could understand any of the Ado lyrics as she sang in Japanese. I guess I’ll have to figure out what she’s singing about by her body language, which is, and I can’t repeat this enough: mostly hidden behind a cage. Oh, and it’s not just hidden from the camera or the live audience, Ado is also stories removed from her own band. We can see them at ground level just fine. Ado? Well, there’s somebody singing to us. It might not be lip-synched.
At the 65-minute mark, Ado emerged from her chrysalis as a dark butterfly. To tell the truth, I can only make assumptions here, too, as our Japanese 24601 still failed
to give anybody a clear shot at her face. By 75 minutes, I finally got one of my wishes: “subtitles!” It was at this point that Ado gave what I best describe as a valedictorian graduation speech. Ado wants to be the bridge between Japan and the world. Somebody should tell her we already have that in “Hello Kitty.”
I am trying to determine if I were a fan whether this concert would do anything for me. I suppose I’d love the atmosphere and celebratory camaraderie of being among 70,000 people who felt the way I do. Yet the fact that this concert could easily have been lip-synched with somebody who is not Ado is highly disturbing to me. They wouldn’t even need a good fake. With neither close-ups nor clear visions of Ado’s face, how does anyone know what they’re seeing is real? Ado is like the Crypto coin of performers: she’s new, kind of exciting, but presents nothing of actual value. You just have to have faith that she’s the genuine article, and then you can enjoy her … I guess.
There was once young starlet, Ado
Who could belt out a note or two
But the singer was shy
No need to ask, “Why?”
Just know you’ll never see her. Oh, boo.
Rated C for “Cage”, (Over 80) Minutes
Director: ??
Writer: ??
Genre: Things better animated
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Ado-lettantes
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: The Sane
