You know what doesn’t rock? Rocks. Ironic, huh? Sorry, movie, there’s only so many shots of rocks one can take before you wish for something substantial to happen.
You won’t believe me when I try to describe this film to an outsider, but I’m going to try anyway:
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- Huh. There’s a big pile of rocks.
- OK. There’s another pile of rocks.
- Oooo. There’s a nice shot of some ruins … once rocks.
- There’s a stone archway which may-or-may not have been useful once upon a time.
- Another shot of rocks.
- Hey, these rocks exploded. Now there are tumbling rocks.
And there’s the war-torn apartment remains of a one thriving city. Backhoes are slowly clearing it away.
Where are these places? No freaking idea. The film is almost 100% aerial overviews that give us few clues as to location. Does it matter? Only for people who like geography as much as geology.
But, of course, there wasn’t much genuine geology in the film. Nor architecture. I count on documentaries to learn things. What I learned from Architecton was that there is a spelling of “architecture” of which I was previously unaware. Either that or somebody’s 3rd-rate Terminator script has been plagiarized.
There was dialogue in the film. It almost took me aback. Mingled in between minutes upon minutes of rocks is three dudes building a rock garden … well, not quite rock garden, a small grass enclosure with a circumference of rocks. Net cost: $1.95. Seriously, you spent 
more on the movie ticket than these guys paid to build the thing in the movie they’re building. Oh, and not three guys, just two. One just sits around and talks at the two workers. And then we go back to shots of rocks.
Is “remarkable achievement” code for “this film has no plot?”
Yes, this film is plotless and fairly boring. And for my tastes, sadly uninformative. I learned nothing, literally nothing about geology, geography or architecture from this film, which seems … sad.
There are worse documentaries. Gunda comes to mind. As does Le Quattro Volte. Both those film bored me beyond belief. Architecton has them beat with, admittedly, some spectacular cinematography. For a bit, this film reminded me of when we got an HDTV and spent a week watching “Planet Earth.” But that was twenty years ago. And it was television. And it was still more involving than Architecton. This is a film festival film exclusively for people who don’t actually like films. I dunno, say, elitist aesthetes, sociopaths, or fans of The Brutalist. This won’t make my bottom 10 of 2025, but not for lack of trying.
Here’s a “story” about a man and his rocks
It got boring right out of the box
For there wasn’t a plot
And, like-it-or-not
I spent the whole time watching clocks
Rated G, 98 Minutes
Director: Victor Kossakovsky (There’s a fun name, huh? Why, it’s so fun, I’ll say it again: )
Writer: Victor Kossakovsky
Genre: Failed geology
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who talked themselves into watching it
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anybody who has seen through the trailer
