One might ask, “How do you get shot in the testicles with an arrow?” I sure asked. Hard to make a clean kill to the scrotum without touching leg, doncha think? What was even harder was figuring out how this opening scene massacre of two naked people being hunted down with non-modern tech led to the rest of the film.
I’m still trying to puzzle out both those mysteries, tbh. What’s important here is naked people hunted for sport and bloody violent endings. OK, film, you have my attention; what are you going to do with it?
Sage and Diego (Maddie Hasson and Marco Pigossi) are a veteran couple … and not a very good one at that. The two have rented out a remote wilderness mansion for the week at Bone Lake. Diego has an ulterior motive: he wants to propose this weekend, awwwwww. But, um, Diego, are you sure this is what you want? Even without the crazy plot to be had, these two seem like a couple on the verge of breaking up. For one thing, I’m not sure Sage is into Diego sexually, like, at all. At one point, we spy on her using a bath massage device as a sex toy – ok, fine, sure good stuff in the round. Here’s the thing: Diego doesn’t agree with sex toys while Sage has actually written a sex-positive position paper on the subject.
Uh oh.
Let me put it this way: whether or not you agree on whatever sex you’re having, if you have a sex-related conversation with your partner and it makes both of you angry … it is very possible you are not meant to be a couple.
Now let’s introduce the plot in troublemaking couple Will and Cin (Alex Roe and Andra Nechita). These two show up also claiming the same mansion rental. Hey, we can all be adults about this; there’s plenty of mansion to go round, right? I mean, I’m definitely asking for a refund because a romantic getaway for two is likely not a romantic getaway when there’s four.
Oh, but if it were only that simple. Will and the aptly named “Cin” are pot-stirrers. They are into gossip and undermining and wife-swapping, so long as it’s handled in the slimiest way possible. Sage and Diego don’t really stand a chance, when you think about it. At one point, Will proposes to Cin in front of the group using
the ring Diego intended for Sage.
Now what all does this have to do with the world’s most dangerous naked game?
Honestly, I don’t know. But I can’t fault Bone Lake for trying.
This film was two rewrites and a quality cast away from something you’d really recommend. As is, Bone Lake had more boning than lake, so I can’t hate it. OTOH, this film is a tad too silly to recommend. If it had one (1) great performance or one (1) truly memorable scene or even something undeniably hot, I might go out on a limb for it. But Bone Lake is attention grabbing trash; there’s a place for it. Just not unless insomnia is involved.
A young couple, Diego and Sage
Retreated, and took second stage
For the pair that they found
Provocateurs in the round
Presented nothing but ill to assuage
Rated R, 94 Minutes
Director: Mercedes Bryce Morgan
Writer: Joshua Friedlander
Genre: Movies that want your attention
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Provocateurs
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Introverts
