I’m still pissed at (writer/director) Ron Howard. You’re part of the reason we’re here, Opie. Sure, I saw Hillbilly Elegy for what it was – a sad testament to White Supremacy disguised an inspiration- but most did not. And now that particular White Supremacist is the Vice President. I’m not saying a more honest look at the rise of JD Vance would have kept him from being VP, but it sure wouldn’t have hurt. You played your part in this evil, Richie Cunnigham.
Far removed from the man who made Apollo 13, A Beautiful Mind, and Night Shift, Ron Howard doesn’t make so many films anymore, and the ones he does make are kinda meh. Take, for instance, his historical recreation of Galápagos intrigue: Eden. This is a film that sought to answer the question as to how an entire island of seven people wasn’t big enough for at least three of them, but kinda just meandered toward murder rather than leading us clearly in that direction.
The year is 1929 and Dr. Friedrich Ritter (Jude Law) has had enough of the rat race. Sorry; he’s German, the Ratte race, so he’s taken his woman du jour, Dora (Vanessa Kirby), and gone to Floreana in the Galápagos Islands, where the only things they have to worry about are giant turtles, iguanas, and boobies. Speaking of boobies, an idiot couple soon shows up in the Wittmers (Daniel Brühl and Sydney Sweeney). He’s a doof; she’s pregnant. They have chosen Floreana, in part, for Dr. Ritter -a man they DO NOT KNOW- to be their PCP, which is as presumptuous as presumptuous gets.
And while the doctor is pissed about having to share space with morons, then the plot arrives in the form of a Baroness (Ana de Armas) and her man candy. (Baroness and
her Man Candy is my favorite 90s ska band, btw.) The film is quite forgiving to the Baroness. IRL, the Baroness looked like a sexy Eleanor Roosevelt. But no one can deny she had appeal to the men who literally followed her to the ends of the Earth. The problem, however, is that outside of Friedrich and Dora, none of the other five have even the smallest of survival skills. And while the Wittmers are willing to learn (assuming somebody wants to teach them), Team Baroness just wants to party. And those guys do not have a good grasp on either civility or morality. It’s only a matter of time before something gives.
The problem with Eden is that it is flat. Far from a paradise, Eden is a bit dull and one-dimensional. Even if you didn’t know what was going to happen … and we did, because there was a decent documentary about exactly this mess not so long ago, you could guess what was going to happen. And at that, it didn’t seem like there was quite enough to get us there. Like if this were not based on a real story, I’d have not believed it. This path seems quite an extensive journey to killing your neighbor for playing his music too loud. And why weren’t there adequate livable resources on Floreana? The island offered a tropical climate and almost untouched flora and fauna. If you can’t survive in that environment … you can’t survive. Mostly, however, I found that I didn’t like any of the seven people on the island. Perhaps that makes the film more realistic or at least explains how we got to “murder” on very little from my perception. In any case, the bottom line is Ron Howard used to make better films, and even if he does eventually make another good one, I’m never going to forgive him for Hillbilly Elegy.
A German escaping the Kaiser
Perhaps found home in paradise or
Maybe not it seems
For a woman of ill dreams
Has arrived just so he can despise her
Rated R, 129 Minutes
Director: Ron Howard
Writer: Noah Pink/Ron Howard
Genre: Getting along with your neighbors
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Historians, maybe?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: The descendants of any of these people
