Would you like some blood to go with your blood? How about now? I will try not to spoil this, but you have to know that this film is gonna get cringe-ugly. You see, there are two types of sci-fi: There’s the world of immaculate outer space sci-fi, where enemies disintegrate into dust with one laser shot, everything looks new and pristine, and uniforms abound. Then there’s the world of ugly-sci-fi where predatory space killers pop out of your chest by force leaving a godawful mess in their wake. Iron Lung is of the latter variety. The entire film takes place in a rusty box smaller than your average mid-town Manhattan studio apartment where every last piece of equipment is in bad need of repair … and this is before the blood starts seeping in.
We are in the screwed future. The very epitome of it. Stars and planets are vanishing. Uh oh. There are not a whole lot of humans left. Uh oh. One who survived is Simon (writer/director/star Mark Fischbach). Simon is a prisoner who has been granted possible freedom by volunteering for a suicidal mission. The mission? Get welded inside the “Iron Lung,” a (for lack of a better term) “space vessel” made out of what appears to be chewing gum and the corrugated roofing one finds in 3rd world shantytowns.
Simon doesn’t know how to operate this “space vessel” any more than we do. The ship, Simon included, is tethered to a space station and lowered onto a moon covered in a sea of blood. Yes, a sea of blood. Simon’s job is to collect a sample of a skeleton and return. Nothing in this entire film is not confusing. Everything from why Simon has been imprisoned to what his role is to what the mission actually thinks it can accomplish to even the basic workings of the vessel itself are all mysteries to be solved. The confusion is necessary so that we don’t notice that Iron Lung is just a one-man, one-act play over two hours long.
And when blood starts dripping on Simon, you’re gonna ask, “What the HELL is going on?” Space vessels, almost by definition, do not leak. Because if they do, you stop having a space vessel and you start having a coffin. So why is this one leaking? And does it have to leak blood? And why is everything so garbled and confusing. Simon’s contact to the outside is one static-replete radio feed. Simon’s vision of the outside is one big polaroid camera … which is to say it illuminates, takes a confusing image, and disappears. This is Simon’s only window to his environment outside the vessel. And, guess what? Not a camera. It’s an x-ray machine that radiates everything outside when employed.
That is some information that could have come in handy, right? And how would you like your only vision of the outside to be an x-ray machine, and 
your only communications with people who still want you in prison?
Iron Lung is a decent sci-fi puzzle, and I think our writer/director/star does his best to hold our attention for two hours. But – and you know where I’m going with this, don’t you? – let’s face it: Iron Lung is a confusing film that asks us to stay with one D-lister for over two hours. That is gonna take its toll on your average viewer. However, while I cannot recommend this film, I would love to see what Mark Fischbach would do with a genuine budget and genuine cast. Is this guy a real film maker … or did he just want to make a vanity piece?
There once was a future space convict
His captors were overly strict
They sent him in a can
Gave instructions to the man
Mostly, it was how much pain they could inflict
Rated R, 125 Minutes
Director: Mark Fischbach
Writer: Mark Fischbach, David Szymanski
Genre: Our screwed future
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Creepy outerspace monsters?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “I don’t like blood”
