Here is a good reminder that “well-meaning” is not necessarily compatible with any other virtue. By itself, “well-meaning” will not make your picture entertaining, informative, exciting, sexy, or even worth watching. I was hit over the head again and again with that understanding as I struggled through this basic and nearly worthless documentary.
Please don’t get me wrong: food allergies are serious and should be taken seriously.
There, I just accomplished the same as 78 minutes of film. This is a message for small children; adults have heard this. By now, they either heed or don’t care. Marketing this film in a theater is a crime. This material is suitable for special assemblies in grammar school, and even at that, don’t expect the kids to pay attention for more than five minutes.
There are two basic threads in May Contain: My Life. The first is a reporting of food allergies and the people that have them. Owen wants to be a chef despite being allergic to beef, dairy, nuts, oranges, and eggs. Hey, Owen, good luck with that. After that, I saw a report on scale of readiness per state with regard to allergies in schools.
*This is a report I could not find when I tried to look it up later*
The key point that got to me was that the two worst states for allergy preparedness in schools were Kansas and Missouri. While this seems to fit – I mean, gee, would it surprise anybody that the “fuck your feelings” red states are not as prepared as the blue ones to deal with allergies? —I sure would like to see the data that backs this assertion. Until then, sorry, red states get a pass.
The other thread is an ongoing teen drama involving our hero, a nut allergy sufferer, his would-be squeeze, a naïve birthday girl who is sweet on him, her would-be boyfriend, a jealous jerk, and his would-be girlfriend, a tactless busybody. In under five minutes of screen time, I hated all four characters in this drama, which is a neat trick.
I suppose one thing I learned from this film is “there is no such thing as a mild food allergy.” Ok, but you can’t
deny that there is a big difference between a food that gives you a rash and food that kills you, can you? The important thing here is allergy awareness, and the film hammered that point again and again and again and again. It even brought out a celebrity, and I mean that in the least sense of that word. Jerome “The Bus” Bettis retired from professional football twenty years ago. He made six pro bowls and won a super bowl during his career, so yeah, he was certainly a good player, and yet, he remains a name I haven’t thought of in literally twenty years. There are as many as half-a-billion people in the world who suffer from food allergies. Over 33 million of them are American. They include Serena Williams, Bill Hader, Zooey Deschanel, Halle Berry, and roughly a hundred others with greater name recognition than Jerome Bettis. This is really the best you could do?
And the answer is “yes,” because May Contain: My Life -for all the importance of this topic- is the most basic film I’ve seen in 2026. There are Peppa Pig ad campaigns that have more nuance than this film. Importance of subject and being on the right side of it are the only things that keep this film from a zero star rating.
A teenager who couldn’t eat nuts
Is in love, no ifs, ands, or buts
But his object, it seems
Understands not his dreams
Which include not puking out his guts
Not Rated, 78 Minutes
Director: Jennifer Greenstreet
Writer: Jennifer Greenstreet
Genre: Basic
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Fascinated four-year-olds
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “This is so condescending”
