I’m always thrown by the immense popularity of the flavor-of-the-week. Yesterday, you were nobody, today you sell out Madison Square Garden, tomorrow, who knows? Say, what are the Jonas Brothers up to these days? It’s easy to hate the kid for being popular. Isn’t that enough? I stay fascinated by the phenomenon – what drew the attention? Can I guess why this mop-haired sprite captured the collective heart of tweener girls everywhere?
There is precious little concert in this concert movie. When he’s on-stage, Justin Bieber sings, plays guitar and dances (the dancing is a good move; he’s no Michael Jackson, but he and his personal phalanx might capture your attention for at least five or six seconds). He’s cute and has that rare sense of style God saw fit to bestow upon Caucasian boys. He sings mostly about heartache. After all, what doesn’t a fifteen-year-old know about love? It’s almost sad when you think that Justin’s little pal Jaden Smith is likelier to be entertaining five years from now.
The behind-the-scenes stuff is plentiful and quietly disturbing. Justin has many handlers. They talk freely but say very little about who Justin actually is. I have no idea what motivates the kid. These people must know Justin is the
ir meal ticket; they don’t talk about it. Is the object to milk him dry until his popularity wanes? It must be. There are big points made of protecting Justin’s voice (he’s held back from one concert so he can perform fresh days later) and protecting Justin’s childhood. But that didn’t stop you from advertising this teen tool coast-to-coast and then arranging a 90-city world tour, now, did it?
The question at the end of Justin Bieber: Never Say Never 3D is: if I were a Justin fan, would I like this movie? I don’t know. I still don’t know anything about him. In the middle of every concert he serenades a “lucky” audience member. She takes the stage and is physically placed front and center upon the stool of shame while Justin hands her flowers and touches her. He stops short of groping. What about that? He could fondle all he pleased in public any of thousands in the audience and she’d probably ask for more. How does he feel about his sexuality? How does he feel about the girls who share the spotlight? Does he actually love anybody? How does he feel about his success? How does he feel about (temporarily) having God-like charisma? What will he fall back on when performing becomes a burnout? I know none of these answers. I suspect fans will also be a bit disappointed. So you’re left with five or six concert numbers, none of which stayed in my mind beyond the playing. Few were even there during the playing.
Rated G, 105 Minutes
D: Jon M. Chu
W: Who needs writing?
Genre: Flavor-of-the-week
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Your tweenage daughter as of six months ago.
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Are you kidding me?
