Jesus is still white, is he? And the Jews still played the puppet master role instrumental to his death, did they? Amazing how we can learn and study and speculate all we want, but the story remains the same no matter how far the accepted truth veers from reality.
Yes, Jesus (Diogo Morgado) is back. Well, he said he was coming back, now, didn’t he? Son of God methodically and dully chronicles the major events of his accepted life – the loaves and fishes, the Sermon on the Mount, the time he cast the first stone, etc. The tale begins with a Sportscenter-type quick recap of biblical highlights (like Noah’s Ark and the Garden of Eden) reminding us that Jesus has always been with us, he just didn’t show in the flesh for a while. Ummmm, so we’re gonna just pretend the 
events of the Old Testament and New Testament have equal historical validity. Sure, ok. It’s your film.
Son of God does have the benefit of not being the two-hour snuff film The Passion of the Christ. I still hold that if you didn’t know who Jesus was, Passion could just be the worst film you’ll ever see. Unlike Passion, Son of God decided to let us get to know Jesus a little before embracing the colorful and vivid details of his death at great length. And what was Jesus like? I found him to be on par with 1990s Matthew McConaughey, easy-going and self-satisfied. “Why would anybody have a problem with me? I’m the son of God (pretend shrug).” His motivation lacks focus. Sure, people should be nice, why not?
And with that, Jesus and pals wander around the Holy Land. There are three distinct helicopter shots of the dozen or so boys single file marching through rocky desolation in ragged clothes. Are the disciples hobbits? When did Jesus hit Middle Earth? Meander is a good word for all of this. Jesus meanders among towns. The story meanders between miracles. The enemies meander about a strategy.
I have always been confused about the “Jews killed Jesus” narrative. Here we have the Romans, even depicted in this film as indiscriminate monsters, totally in charge with the fate of the land. Twice before the climax in Son of God, Romans kill innocents – once simply for inconvenience sake. We know from history the Romans conquered. They took over seized territories; they made slaves; they put people to death. That’s what they did; that’s all they did … but in the land of Judea around 33 A.D., they were suddenly open to suggestion?! And if the Romans were soooooo interested in “keeping the peace,” why torture and execute the most popular and beloved man in the land? If that were true, given the fact that we still kill in Jesus’ name to this very day, that has to be the very worst conclusion man has ever reached in human history. “Why yes, you’re right, Jewish council, killing this man will definitely yield peace.” The imaginary manipulation here of Pontius Pilate (Greg Hicks) is flat-out embarrassing. The Romans are the attack dogs of the Jewish council? Really? The Romans were just the flying monkeys to the wicked witches of the Middle East? Yeah, Ok. If that’s the story you need to tell, well, go ahead. Heard it.
I cannot recommend Son of God to theologians, historians, biblical scholars or fans of film. However, if you need to know the general persona of Jesus is more important than the details … if you need a visual depiction of how Jesus might have lived and died …if you need to know Jesus considered himself the Son of God and proclaimed it often … if you need to know he was white … if you need to know the Jews killed him, well, by all means, go to Son of God, take your closed-minded kin and have a rip-rollickin’ time.
♪I threw a fish in a pot
Didn’t look like a lot
Can’t believe what I got
And now you’re makin’ hay
I’d trade my soul for a well
Oops, no I wouldn’t, don’t tell
Now you’re forsaking Hell
Come here and make my day.
Your aura was glowin’
Ripped cloak, sin not showin’
Seeds of fate were sowin’
Where you think you’re goin’, rabbi?
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy
But here’s a crossbar, so take it, “Save-y”
It’s hard to look right, at you baby
‘Cause you’re so beat up, you look like gravy♫
Rated PG-13, 138 Minutes
D: Christopher Spencer
W: Richard Bedser, Christopher Spencer, Colin Swash & Nic Young
Genre: Bible belt manipulation
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: People who need this to be a great film
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Everybody else
♪ Parody inspired by “Call Me Maybe”
