… But I don’t want to identify with the Angry Birds. They’re angry. Really, I’m a lover, not a flinger. Aw, who am I kidding? When this movie works, it works exactly for whom Red (voice of Jason Sudeikis) is your spokesman. Ever been stiffed on a bill? Ever wanted to punch somebody who passive-aggressively told you to “have a nice day?” Ever lost a fight with an inanimate object? Step up, gentleman; here’s your spokesman.
For people whose entire life is smartphone gaming, Angry Birds is now a movie. No word yet on the Candy Crush Saga, but it cannot be far behind. I’ve long considered Angry Birds a jihadist training ground. Think about it – the “pigs” come steal capital and your response is to suicide bomb their structures until pig civilization collapses. All you need is a spirited ululation before you aim the aircraft, sorry, aim your Angry Bird at the buildings you want to destroy to get an alternative universe 9/11 feel. The Angry Birds movie got around this. How? By making a bald eagle the chief inhabitant of Bird Island. Ahhhhhhh. Wait. Was there an eagle in the Angry Birds game? There might have been; I could never get past that level where those jerks cocooned the eggs. But thanks to the bald eagle coup, no one can never, ever, ever confuse living airborne torpedoes with suicide bombing again. Yeah, and I’ve mastered every facet of Minecraft.
Like I said, Red is angry. After having it out with a birthday party parent and accidentally cracking open the family’s hatchling, Red is sentenced to anger management classes, which are far superior to those Adam Sandler had to endure. Correction, they’re far better than we were forced to endure through the vehicle of Adam Sandler. Red takes to therapy like a couch takes to tap-dancing; the visual is clear when given the assignment to “paint his pain,” Red comes up with a series of artistic demises for the pigs, new guests to Bird Island. The pigs come to the island for some basic plot moving. This works well; plots are moved to the point where we all get to the point we’ve been anticipating: blowing crap up.
I suppose there are all sorts of ways in which Angry Birds ain’t great. I mean, if you’ve played the app, you know what’s coming … do we really wish to solve problems with violence? Why
can’t we all just get along? I know the birds (except for eagle) can’t fly, but their island is ridiculously close to Pig Island; why have these cultures never met before? And why do the pigs give these flightless goody-goodies a slingshot? How does that make sense? And, of course, there’s an extended scene of urination and liberal use of the word “butt” to keep your small boy amused for hours on end.
I liked Red; I liked his angry eyebrows and sadly identified well with Red’s isolation among his peers. Is he angry because of the isolation or is he isolated because he’s angry? Or is this just a lame cartoon? I see Red as the part in all of us who doesn’t deal well with being ostracized (“ostrich”-acized?). We saw this before in How the Grinch Stole Christmas; I think people in general don’t want to identify with this characterization; who wants a movie to tell you “you’re alone and it’s (mostly) your fault?” I don’t think anybody actually wants to be described as “angry,” either, do you? I’m quite certain people will dislike Angry Birds in public, but are perhaps a bit softer on it within their personal thoughts.
In the end, of course, this is just a cartoon of a once- and perhaps again- popular app. I’ve given the premise far more depth than perhaps it considered. In fairness, it’s because I liked the movie where I see so many others did not. You would if you were angrier.
♪It’s not in the way you download me
It’s not in entering “CoolDude4”
It’s not in the way that I’m cheating my friends
It’s not in the way that I ethnic’ly cleanse
It’s not hitting the reset or aiming for the high score
Bomb that swine!
Love crushing that green porcine
Bomb that swine!
Do it until there is left no sign♫
Rated PG, 97 Minutes
D: Clay Kaytis, Fergal Reilly
W: Jon Vitti
Genre: Grinchiness
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Folks in touch with their rage
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Anti-introspectators/People who are no longer 7-year-old boys
♪ Parody inspired by “Hold the Line”
