Thor: Ragnarok

ThorRagnarok
Val-hollerin’

I t took five films, but somebody finally gave Thor a personality. Is it any coincidence that this is the best Thor we’ve seen? The personality is a little like Tony Stark’s, reinforced by the summoning of weapons from a prone and tethered position (as seen in Iron Man 3), but no matter – fact is whether you’re tied up by a set of South Florida tools or a giant fire demon, don’t lose your sense of humor … even if you never had one before.

Ragnarok is that special time in a Thor’s life when a God of Thunder (or hammers) must realize that his father has passed and his world is coming to an end. It’s very important for a Thor at this moment of self-awakening not to act upon the sexual tension between he and his evil sister, Hela (Cate Blanchett) … or, for that matter, between he and his evil brother, Loki (Tom Hiddleston). Just because Natalie Portman didn’t show up for your film, that’s no excuse for incest. I’m joshing, of course. The sexual tension on screen occurred for the most part between Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and the Hulk, er, I mean, a fallen Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson).

If you want to make Thor worth watching, you have to take away the dude’s hammer. As long as Thor has the hammer, the battles just ain’t that fun. “Oh, look, Thor has a hammer. I wonder what’s going to happen? Huh. Turns out, he hit a bunch of guys with the hammer. I didn’t see that one coming.” Thor: Ragnarok not only took away the hammer when Hela treated it like an aluminum can in a Miller Lite commercial, the film also took away Thor’s hair, when Stan Lee showed up on planet American Gladiator with a futuristic weed whacker.

I’m getting ahead of myself. There was a plot here, I think. Ragnarok, the destructive end of the Asgard, has been foretold, but Thor ain’t too worried, cuz even chained and dangling, he can defeat a fire demon before the opening credits. (Thor does more before the opening credits than most people do all day.) In the midst of adding another set of antlers to the Asgard trophy room, Thor figures out that Loki made king dad disappear. This leads to marvelous cameos from Benedict Cumberbatch and Anthony Hopkins, and then Hela shows up … and all Hella breaks loose. Wait. Neither Thor nor Loki knew Hela was their sister? That’s a pretty big secret to keep for – huh, just how old is Thor, anyway? Forget it.

So after Hela treats Thor’s magic hammer like a tinker toy, them god boys get trounced but good. Way to go, sis. Before you know it, Thor is on a planet where Jeff Goldblum calls the shots. And Jeff don’t mess around; it’s time for Thor to face Jeffy’s big champion, The Hulk. Didn’t see that coming, didya? Well, that is unless you’re among the eight billion humans on planet Earth who saw the trailer at some point. This is Goldblum’s best work since Jurassic Park, btw, and I’m sure his fan will be most pleased.

And poor Thor. Without his hammer, he’s only a god; have you ever seen a fellow so put upon?

I know many of you weren’t fans of the 2016 Ghostbusters reboot. Heck, I wasn’t much of a fan. But this is the rare case when an iffy film creates a pool of positive consequence. One such ripple is Chris Hemsworth’s acting. He’s been Thor in five films and this is the first time in which I think he’s having fun with the role. Does that happen if he doesn’t go comic in GhostbustersThor: Ragnarok was a blast, which seems very unexpected after Thor and Thorty-two. At this rate, I might even look forward to the next.

♪THOR!
Norse god, y’all
What has he stood for?
Absolutely nothin’!
Say it again

THOR!
Norse god, y’all
What has he stood for?
Absolutely nothin’!
Say it again

Oh Thor, I despise
‘Cause it means destruction of screenplay surprise

Thor hammers to thousands of foe’s demise
Maybe Loki can show
In some disguise

I said, THOR!
Norse god, y’all
Are you in the mood for?
Personality nothin’! Say it again♫

Rated PG-13, 130 Minutes
Director: Taika Waititi
Writer: Eric Pearson and Craig Kyle & Christopher Yost
Genre: Comic book theology
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Avengers
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Ragnarocks?

♪ Parody Inspired by “WAR!”

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One Response to “Thor: Ragnarok” Subscribe

  1. A2 November 22, 2017 at 12:10 am #

    Fan? ha ha

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