Went to a great deal of trouble just to remake Titanic, didn’t they? Even gave it a new setting (the big top) and new title. Don’t fool yourself; it’s the same story:
- Historic big-scale tragedy
- Told in the present as a memory
- By an octogenarian who lived through it
- Involved in a love triangle
- Which included a callous jerk of a businessman and his woman who loves the penniless newcomer.
- The lovers steal away, but are caught,
- Which highlights the climactic, but ultimately pointless, calamity.
Of course, the tragedy in Water for Elephants involves the destruction of a circus, which might have masked a greater tragedy of the circus not being destroyed.
Did I miss anything? Sure, you can put it on land and substitute Roustabouts for Irishmen, but it’s the same silly story. What’s the difference between a luxury liner and a circus? The activities director doesn’t wear evil clown makeup. Robert Pattinson (25 this year) is almost exactly in same point in his career where Leonardo DiCaprio (25 at the time Titanic was released) was when he proclaimed, “I’m king of the world!” Sorry there, Bobby Vampire, Elephants ain’t bad, but rarely do the copycats take home all the prizes.
Reese Witherspoon takes Kate Winslet‘s fairly thankless role in this version. And like Kate in Titanic, Reese mostly gets to look older than her on-screen would be. Horrible, ain’t it? So many girls want Robert Pattinson, the one who actually gets him earns all the envy and scorn.
Christoph Waltz has quickly become everybody’s go-to heavy. Cashing in on his Inglorious Basterdery, Big Daddy Waltz has now danced his way into head villainy in Water for Elephants, The Green Hornet and The Three Musketeers. Wonder how long this is gonna last? And what are Jeremy Irons and John Malkovich gonna do about it?
D: Francis Lawrence
W: Richard LaGravenese
Genre: Impossible fantasy romance
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Team Edward
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: PETA
