War! Good God, y’all. What is it good for? Dog treats. Say it again. Wait. What?! Yes. In 1917, a -we’re gonna say- terrier-ish stray found his way into a United States Army boot camp and emerged a year later as a war hero. This is a true story, as you can probably tell by the animation. The dog, “Stubby,” was actually promoted to the rank of sergeant for his valor on the field of battle (and presumably chasing the imaginary chuck wagon), hence, the ridiculous title, one that should have been reconsidered … a lot.
Being outranked by a dog seems like something straight out of “Futurama,” doesn’t it?
“Corporal, I need you to kill every last squirrel in this country.”
“Sergeant?”
“DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!”
“YES, SERGEANT!”
Oooo, I could have a lot of fun with that premise. I’m not going to.
Private Robert Conroy (voice of Logan Lerman) made the mistake of tossing the stray a bone; naturally the dog followed, and for Lord knows what reason, the higher ranks allowed this pet a home in the barracks. After Pvt. Conroy taught the dog how to salute, the conquest was inevitable. I love the next part of the “biography” for sheer realism – the company ships out and the Logan-leaning mutt breaks his bonds to stowaway on a train, then get aboard a ship by himself. In the movie, the situation is completely innocent; the dog acts of his own volition and the soldiers give us an “I dunno” shrug. So, movie, you’re going to pretend that Conroy and his buds are telling the truth here, are you? Yeah, that’s the story and ahm a stckin’ to it. OK.
In France, the battle-lines are drawn and Stubby and his pals are sent directly to the front lines where trench warfare has been the way of life for years. To make matters worse, Gérard Depardieu shows up. Enormous French soldier Gaston Baptiste (Depardieu) grabs Conroy and dog for a recon mission. Thanks to his training, Stubby is able to recognize the imminent gas attack and warns both soldiers and French townspeople ahead of the deadly toxin. Whaddaya know? The dog is a hero.
There’s gotta be a good: “No atheists in foxholes” joke here what with “God” and “dog” being palindromes, right? If you find it, lemme know.
There isn’t much to Sgt. Stubby: An American Hero. The direction made it very clear that Stubby is to act as a dog at all times. Don’t bring any of that anthropomorphism crap around here. What’s that, Fido? Reading Nietzsche, huh? Bad dog! My personal guess is that this picture wasn’t slotted to be animated until A Dog’s Purpose got dinged for cruelty to animals. Well, you know what they say: “once bitten, twice shy.” The animation choices lead to two potential issues: while away from humans, French poodles might discuss Descartes and Voltaire, however in front of humans, the thoughts of a dog in wartime or peace don’t vary much from Doug in Up.
The bigger problem is it looks like you’ve made a family-friendly war film. Adding to this thesis is a distinct lack of blood in the film. Let that sink in — In a WWI trench film 
made this century, there’s no blood. I’m of two minds here: on the one hand, the tale (tail?) is uplifting. There are certainly thousands of potentially worse movie subjects than a war hero dog. OTOH, you’ve made a war film specifically for children. You’ve made a family-friendly animated biographical war film. There’s something very wrong about that thought, is there not?
Hence, you might ask yourself, ”Who goes to a family-friendly war film?” I know this answer: Me, exactly me. I showed up day of release and found myself alone in the theater. Perhaps in different parts of the country, you’ll get a different audience. I, however, got a private screening for Sgt. Stubby, a major coup for my general admission; I could relax solo with my colonels of popcorn and smuggled Captain Crunch … ok, I’ll stop.
Congratulations are in order, Sgt. Stubby, you’re the second-best animated dog film out this month (Isle of Dogs). Perhaps you should just be glad that Disney isn’t revamping Lady & the Tramp this year.
♪If dog had a rank, what would it be?
And would you stave him off with mace?
If you were chased by him and all those dough boys
What would your flask contain to ease the tension?
And yeah, yeah, dog is good
Yeah, Yeah, Go Dog, Go!
And yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah
What if dog was one of us?♫
Rated PG, 85 Minutes
Director: Richard Lanni
Writer: Richard Lanni, Mike Stokey
Genre: War for kids!
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Dog lovers, I guess
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Fans of blood
♪ Parody Inspired by “One of Us”
