For all y’all who wondered where Barry Pepper went, the answer is: “Stuck in flooded Crawl space in small town Florida.” This is, of course, irrelevant to the film; that’s just where you’d find him if you ever went looking. No one has for a while.
Low-budget Hollywood, perhaps Hollywood, Florida, came out with a film that combines two things I fear, but I can’t say how much for lack of immediacy: global warming and alligators. Hurricane Nostradamus has hit the Monsoon State and UF collegian Haley (Kaya Scodelario) has to go save dad (Pepper), who was too foolish not to leave when asked politely to do so by the authorities.
Turns out Haley is a pretty good swimmer; gee, I hope that comes into play somewhere before we’re done. :eyeroll: Why they made her lose her purely human swim duel at the start of the film is beyond me – is there a message there? “I only really try when there’s an alligator chasing me?” Some athlete you are. Those of you in the know might recognize her Australian Crawl stroke as title significant. I suppose it’s not insignificant. But this film is about gators, specifically mobile and aggressive ones.
Defying the orders of the local troopers – I cannot emphasize enough what a good idea that is during a hurricane – Haley searches the house dad was suppose to have sold already and finds him half dead in the Crawl space underneath the porch with water rising and gators on the prowl. The alligators used a storm drain to find the basement which makes you wonder how long they’ve been there and why they came in the first place.
I used to work with hoarders. There are levels to hoarding. Most people you know who hoard are at level two: 80% of surface area in the house is covered and there’s less than 100% access to all parts of the house (maybe a door is partially blocked or something). By level 3, you likely have an infestation of some kind. By level five, the highest, there’s an actual ecosystem in the house. There’s not only infestation, the infestation has attracted a consumer, and the consumer has attracted a secondary predator. When a family of snakes sets up shop in your house, it’s long past time to address your hoarding issues. There was no evidence otherwise of hoarding issues, but when alligators start laying eggs in the basement, that’s either no accident or an ill-considered screenplay.
Crawl follows the monster movie rules – Haley and dad are restricted to the Crawl space; the gators have cut off their exit to the upstairs. The gators are also lethal, motivated, and damn quick. Now, I don’t know alligators, like not at all, so I cannot say how unrealistic their behavior is. All I know is it doesn’t resonate with gator behavior in zoos or pre-CGI film. And perhaps that doesn’t matter. Point is: monsters … whatchagonnado? Crawl plays a lot like a poor man’s Tremors. I wish our subjects were a tad more innovative, but I liked that they were trying to find solutions rather than relying on help. Mobile-but-helpless on film is a really bad look. I found the film fairly generic as far as heroism/villainy and lethal monsters go, but in any given year there will be at least a dozen major horror films not as good as this one. That should be good enough for most horror fans.
Now, go check your own house for an ecosystem. Later, gators.
A gator siege on the boondocks
Requires thinking outside the box
The “Why?” question spent
Is less relevant
Than: “How do you tell them from crocs?”
Rated R, 87 Minutes
Director: Alexandre Aja
Writer: Michael Rasmussen, Shawn Rasmussen
Genre: Swimming monsters
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who mythologize modern dinosaurs
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Don’t like gators? This ain’t helpin’.
