And they say no films are made for MAGA. Well, here ya go, modern American ultra-conservatives… if you are wedded to the idea that “any man” in this country can rise as far as talent will take him while overlooking pretty much all of the details along the way, here is your film – 12 Mighty Orphans, the inspiring story of a high school football team who had to overcome being parentless to win football games and the heart of a news-starved nation.
In a time well before sports invented black people, there was The Great Depression. During The Great Depression, there was a Dust Bowl that swallowed up huge sections of north Texas and Oklahoma. Hundreds of miles away, our story begins just outside of Fort Worth, a fairly large metropolis that includes the major cities of Dallas and Fort Worth. Oh, we’re just gonna pretend this orphanage is an offshoot of the Dust Bowl? Um, ok. I suppose it’s possible some of the orphans were Dust Bowl refugees, sure. Oh, we’re just gonna go with this rustic/rural setting for the whole film, huh? Well, lemme put it this way: 12 Mighty Orphans takes place in a metro area that looks like Nomadland in 1940, but somehow becomes the place where JFK is assassinated by 1963. That’s a lot of progress, huh?
Rusty Russell (Luke Wilson), one of the legendary figures of Texas football, came to Fort Worth Masonic Home in 1927, when the film is supposed to take place. The film implies it’s more like the late 1930s; I think it combined 15 seasons into one and added some fake drama to boot. To enhance the emotional investment, the film makes a character of FDR … the very worst FDR ever – I’m not kidding — hmmm, he doesn’t sound, look, or act like the real FDR, but by all means, keep doing what you’re doing—self-quoting to apply pressure during a situation which means -bare minimum- this story takes place in 1933 at the earliest. The film’s star player, Hardy Brown (Jake Austin Walker), was born in 1924, which would make him three during Russell’s first season. I know the guy was good, but … three?
It doesn’t matter. The feel of the film is what’s important. The orphanage held 150 kids, of whom -during the season we follow- only twelve were eligible to play high school football. And yet, as we know in the opening moments, the Mighty Mites of Masonic Home made it to the state final – in a state where football is a religion, I might add. From a fairly common perspective, 12 Mighty Orphans is decidedly a feel-good film which will inspire the masses to abandon all their children to orphanages.
Seriously, a 12-person football team in the state championship is a great story. Oh, sure, they’re gonna fluff it up with all sorts of exaggeration, like Rusty’s PTSD, Martin Sheen’s drinking problem (you guys know Hoosiers already exists, right?), and Wayne Knight’s personal child sweatshop, but, hey, the message is the important thing, right? Twelve clearly college-aged boys playing high schoolers are competing outmanned and undersized in a sport which requires many a man of great size. Everybody loves an underdog … well, everybody loves pretending they’re backing an underdog, which is a great analogy for this film—yup, they certainly looked like underdogs on film. The real Mites were a slightly different story. Underdogs don’t make the state playoffs 10 of 16 seasons.
There’s a narrative in the MAGA world that when it come to success in life, talent and personal habits rule all else. It’s a wonderful narrative; it allows people to assign morality based on perceived success rather than genuine reality. The problem is that this narrative is –for the most part- horseshit. Oh, talent helps, certainly, but so do many, many other factors like being white, and money, and connections, and excelling in a potentially lucrative field (like sports or entertainment), and PR, and political pressure, and guidance/approval from older generations, and just plain dumb luck. When it comes right down to it, the only thing the orphans were missing was the money; they had most of the other advabtages in fair quantities.
Now, nobody wants to discount the lack of money or parents; those are HUGE handicaps for anyone. This tale, unlike Hillbilly Elegy, is worth telling. But 12 Mighty Orphans seems deliberately oblivious to the assets the kids did have. I mean, where were all the black orphans, huh? You’re going to tell me greater Dallas-Fort Worth metro 
of at least 500,000 people in the 1930s had no black orphans? Of course they did. And where were they? Not at the Masonic Home, clearly. If it’s a black orphanage, do you think they get good press? A call from the President? Hand-me-down equipment from TCU? A quality football coach? Heck, do you even think they would have gotten to field a team?
And yet, 12 Mighty Orphans is exactly how MAGA sees itself – as a bunch of ragtag self-starters “built from the ground up” happily ignoring the advantages they’ve had. This homage to white privilege should be their anthem. Funny thing is, the honest MAGA parallel story would follow the Mites rivals, Poly, an affluent all-white high school filled with cruel bullies. They got slaughtered in the state semi-final, 49-10, and responded by whining and cheating their way into the Championship game. Yup, nothing says, “MAGA” to me like playing dirty, losing, and cheating more afterwards until you get the results you want. But films like that don’t get distributed outside of MAGA world.
Some orphans reaching for the top shelf
Is it true? Maybe check it yourself
The research is subpar
To misquote FDR
The only thing I have to mock is mocking itself
Rated PG-13, 118 Minutes
Director: Ty Roberts
Writer: Lane Garrison
Genre: Movies that make conservatives feel good about themselves
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: MAGA
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “Why aren’t there any black people in this film?”
