Oh, Michael Myers is now a metaphor, is he? Sure, after twelve films of the stab-a-thon workout, why not transcend to something a little deeper? Everybody changes, right?
Haddonfield is on the offensive in this film. The townspeople are sick of Michael’s shit and are out for blood of their own. It’s time Michael Myers paid for all that stabbing and dismembering. So led by Anthony Michael Hall, a Late-Breakfast Club yells, “EVIL DIES TONIGHT!” over and over while on the attack. I have no idea if this was intended to reflect the near-constant angerstorm whipped up by the American Right (it would be apt, given their propensity in both film and real life
to make a dog’s breakfast out of things); what I do know is that Halloween matriarch Jamie Lee Curtis echoes the film’s message: you cannot kill Michael by brute force, for Michael isn’t a man, he is evil; he is fear itself; he grows more powerful the more angry and afraid you get.
This part of the film is astute. Few of us even recognize America today for all the anger. Half our population seems to thrive upon it, so much so they invent lies to keep themselves angry, like that there’s a “War on Christmas” or “Dr. Seuss was canceled” or “Donald Trump was cheated out of a second term in office.” Pfft. The idea that Donald Trump has been cheated out of anything, ever, is laughable to anyone with a capacity for independent thought.
So while the angry masses attacked, I half-expected Michael to be unmasked revealing *gasp* the face of his attacker! Deep, right? Like that scene in Empire Strikes Back where Luke slays Vader in the dream cave only to realize it was him all along. I have my own MAGA version of this in my head: An intruder breaks into MAGA’s house, and MAGA –armed to the teeth, of course – shoots him dead several times, only MAGA never realizes that he’s shot himself cuz he never bothers unmasking the truth and and Hell, MAGA has a perfectly legal right to
stand his ground against himself. The key is: MAGA has no problem with violence and learns nothing in the process … which, in turn, is a pretty good metaphor for the Halloween franchise.
When we last left Michael Myers, his kin folk had left him trapped in a burning building. This, of course, did not do him in. Well, you know how difficult it is to kill a metaphor. Michael makes sure to bludgeon a series of fire fighters trying to rescue him. (Hmm, you sure Michael isn’t a metaphor for MAGA? That’s kinda their thing: “Let’s kill anybody trying to help!”) Michael’s curious aliveness brings up a relevant response to Jamie Lee: Ummm, if he can’t be killed by brute force, how can you kill him? With kindness? With “his song?” A tickle machine?
I guess that’s next film.
So what does Michael do? He goes home. That’s kind of his thing. Unlike Jason, who has a capacity for tourism or Freddy who shows wherever you can dream up, Michael Myers is essentially a homebody. This brings up my best way to combat Mike Myers –and fear for that matter- Why not leave? Why don’t the citizens of Haddonfield just up and march right outta town? Give Mike his house and vamoose. There ya go, Mike. It’s all yours. Happy now? He doesn’t really interact with people he doesn’t kill, so there’s really no percentage in being around wherever he is. Maybe it’s just me.
The biggest strength of Halloween Kills – Metaphoric Mike- is also its biggest weakness. For the film now more-or-less admits Michael cannot be killed which itself lends a “Why bother?” air to the entire franchise. Now all we’re watching this for is the blood, not the intrigue. I suppose that probably was exactly the case ten films ago, but there was once a sense of survival in this franchise. That no longer really exists. Who cares who survives this film? You’re all doomed anyway. Take your Anthony Michael Hall, your Jamie Lee Curtis and whatever other three-named quasi-star you’ve pulled out of the 80s hope chest and let them die the usual way: with generational apathy.
♪I heard he had a big knife
I heard he wore a mask
I heard he wouldn’t stop
Until he’d finished with his task
And there he was, the big lout
About to gouge my eyes
Thrusting that blade with his fingers (one time, two times)
Stinging my gut with his sword
Killing me deftly with his knife
Killing me deftly
With his knife
Suddenly ending my whole life
Killing me deftly
With his knife♫
Upon writing these lyrics, I realize they could just as easily apply to Jason. That’s on you, fellas. You’re both in exactly the same place of Myers/Briggs.
Rated R, 105 Minutes
Director: David Gordon Green
Writer: Scott Teems, Danny McBride, David Gordon Green
Genre: Stabby stabby
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Anybody who has seen the first eleven Halloween films; clearly, you cannot get enough … and here’s more!
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: I’m not the one who should determine if the Halloween franchise is right for you
♪ Parody Inspired by “Killing Me Softly”
