I wasn’t prepared for the elfin police state. Who is, really? Even the elves in Lord of the Rings seemed less likely to go all in on fascism – and they were at war with two or three other races. Yet, apparently, such was a critical development in the life of a boy who may or may not become Santa Claus.
Nikolas (Henry Lawfull) and his father Joel (Michiel Huisman) live in a forest where they harvest mud and bark for their daily repast. After fighting a mouse for a crumb, Nikolas (aka “Christmas” as his late mother used to call him) decides to befriend the rodent instead and teach it to speak, because why not? It’s not like their shack has a Nintendo. This story is being told in old-person-reading-to-young-person form (a la The Princess Bride), so it was kind of uncool for the tale-in-a-tale to go immediately Inception level deeper into the legend of Elfhelm, a secret land to the North where magic lives and fathers -perhaps- don’t feed their sons mudbark stew.
It’s not just Joel and Nikolas; the whole land around them bites, so King Jim Broadbent invites all the do-ers in the realm to go find something that doesn’t suck … and maybe bring me back a beer while you’re at it…or at least a name for this kingdom. Joel joins a pack of hunters to go find stuff and invites Aunt Carlotta (Kristen Wiig) to the shack to take care of the boy. I’m guessing Carlotta is homeless, cuz that’s the only way anyone would snap at an invite to the Joel Shack. And after a day or two of Carlotta’s Aunt Marge routine, Nikolas decides to take his mouse for a walk to Elfhelm.
Luckily, there was a hidden map in Nikolas’ hat, a map –I might add- equally as informative as any one might find on the back of Cap’n Crunch or a placemat at Denny’s. So Nikolas goes to find the elves.
I won’t describe any more … I know my words have clearly sucked you in at this point. How are you not champing at the bit to watch this gem? All I can say is Elfhelm was achieved, but it’s parallels to Nazi Germany were more than a little off-putting.
A Boy Called Christmas really wasn’t that bad a film. Of course, it wasn’t that good a film, either. Kids will appreciate the independence and strength of Nikolas and the friends he finds along the way. Your children may also delight in the magic that appears –as if by magic- to pave the true path for Nikolas. That said … there are better Santa tales out there and some are recent. The Christmas Chronicles isn’t bad, neither is Noelle, and Klaus is a better Santa origin story, period. Perhaps I’d choose this if I ran out of movies to watch at Christmastime … but who runs out of Christmas movies? A Boy Called Christmas isn’t terrible, but you’ve got options. Use them.
♪He’s marchin’ on snow
For almost a week
Maybe he’s teaching
A rodent to speak
Mini Claus is hunting the elves down
He’s desperate for contact
He knows that he could die
His father will return and say
“What the Hell, Nik, why?”
So … it’s not like you’ll note
That this kid is gone
This film is on par with
Little Nicky, so wrong.
Mini Claus is hunting the elves down♫
Rated PG, 106 Minutes
Director: Gil Kenan
Writer: Ol Parker, Gil Kenan
Genre: Oliver! meets Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Christmas enthusiasts
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People who find it unlikely that the elves would devolve into a police state just days after a tragedy
♪ Parody Inspired by “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”
