You know what has been completely immune to the pandemic? Bad film. Apparently, bad film knows no boundaries. You can make a bad film no matter your restraints. It’s uncanny that way. You can make bad films with both throngs and duets; you can make bad films that are eight hours long and eight minutes long; you can make bad film with CGI or b&w … all you need is a bad idea and some initiative. And 2021 had plenty of both.
Let’s go.
DISHONORABLE MENTION
The only film on both the overrated list and the bad list, which is a neat double. This film about a retired minor porn star trying to put his life back together had not one pleasurable scene … and I challenge any of its advocates to tell me what was so refreshing about this material. My theater experience felt like a clockwatch. Geez, folks, you may as well have just made a porno.
The future of 
the human race depends on a bunch of Lord of the Flies punks. If humanity needs Tye Sheridan for species survival, I’m good with our extinction.
An ambitious film. Ambitious like trying to rewrite The Usual Suspects from memory and then starring a cast of third graders. That’s what Deadly Illusions felt like.
Wasn’t even.
If you’re gonna remake a bad film, shouldn’t you have a good idea of how to improve upon the
original?
My least favorite pre-film credit is “Based on a true story.” 90% of the time it means the producers thought reality alone would carry the film. Save that for documentaries. Zola is a waitress who goes roadtrippin’ for some less-than-quality prostitution. I’m quite certain the makers of this film thought this idea was funny. It wasn’t.
No worst list these days is complete without a Mark Wahlberg sci-fi.
The Bottom 10
10. Eternals
Aliens have come
To hang for millennia
Marvel errs big time
Topical straddling
There aren’t “two sides” to a plague
You’re funny no more
8. Adam Driver (Annette, House of Gucci, The Last Duel)
Hours and hours
Of Adam. In his best film
He played a rapist
7. The Stand In
Barrymore more more
Not content with one, Drew played
Two bad characters
We waited decades
And you gave us this garbage
Next time, leave it be
5. Bliss
Wilson and Hayek
In alternate universe
That sucks worse than ours
4. Memoria
I have watched and watched
And watched and watched … I am sure
Something will happen
Good Lord, LeBron James
Is acting harder than an
NBA Final?
2. Cry Macho
Macho the rooster
Mexico the escape goat
Eastwood the hasbeen
Franchise transition
From “this isn’t funny” to
A pained cry for help
