The last time I unwittingly indulged in kpop, the band turned out to be BTS. Hence, if Blackpink turns out to be the Korean Beatles, I’m not going to be surprised this time around.
But they won’t. I’m pretty sure of that. For one thing, there weren’t any seats left at the BTS performance … at a matinee … in a theater … with the biggest capacity at the venue … in February of 2019 (i.e. before most of the world knew who they were). Blackpink doesn’t describe any of that, but -look- not being BTS is hardly a failing. It’s also unlikely they can out-basketball Michael Jordan, outsprint Usain Bolt, or out-lie Donald Trump.
Blackpink is a kpop foursome with great appeal to pre-teen girls, teenage girls, and pervs. The band members -who often (to a woman) choose to go instrument-less- appear on stage in what can only be described as nightwear plus leather boots. If you add the boots, the outfit is presentable outdoors. When they aren’t wearing some sort of combination lingerie, the foursome will appear wearing shirts displaying their name, logo, or even their own pictures (in case they get confused, I guess).
Am I jealous? Yeah, maybe a little. Once upon a time, I would love to have been big enough to wear a shirt with my own picture on it.
The women sing in both Korean and English. The latter was a relief because I couldn’t initially understand much of what BTS was singing about. Blackpink has definitely catered their show to an English-speaking audience, which I find both pretty cool and a bit embarrassing. I found the women themselves difficult to distinguish.
My notes at the end of the performance:
Jisoo (the racy one)
Jennie (the racy one)
Lisa (the racy one)
Rosé (the racy one, but in blonde)
Look, I know this isn’t kind, and I can only justify my words by saying I don’t know these four, and they didn’t really distinguish themselves in 93 minutes of screentime, but, every member of the group strikes me as the kind of woman who plans the break-up before she agrees to date somebody. And I guarantee that every first conversation with a would-be partner includes a round of “guess where my tattoo is.”
Each individual performer gets a solo during the concert, which put me in mind of the KISS solo albums. And then the four return to dance and sing every song together. Towards the end – and the group seemed constantly obsessed with how much concert was left – the group saw fit to recognize the four black guys on the peripheries of the stage: check it out, the guys who play the music, it’s Young, Chuck, Omar, and Bennie on the drums – I’m certain that each one was told, “When they call your name, you get four bars each. Don’t screw it up.” And, to be fair, I didn’t meet any of the backup band for BTS.
I see the stage has achieved the rank of Private First Class; perhaps when it rises to officer level, it can host BTS. Seriously, the staging, costuming, and art design left plenty of room for improvement. But none of that matters as much as the foursome themselves, who all appear energetic, synchronized, and completely in tune (in more ways than one). Sure, the choreography involves A LOT of bouncing – I can’t emphasize that
enough, but this is exactly what their crowd wishes to see. And it’s not just the Seoul crowd where most of the show takes place; we see the same from crowds in Paris, London, New Jersey, and Las Vegas. These women know exactly how to entertain their audience.
Blackpink sing a lot about love and dancing and how they love to dance – well, geez, Jim, what did you expect them to sing about? Bringing in the mail? — Again, I have to say they know exactly how to push the buttons of their audience. It’s gonna be up-tempo, love is a rainbow, my heart is on fire, now let’s dance around. I don’t think those were actual Blackpink lyrics, but I can’t be sure and that’s pretty much what I heard regardless of what was said.
Now, all that silliness aside, the film was too short. Blackpink World Tour (Born Pink) in Cinemas (an awful, awful title, btw) was 98% concert footage and a short concert at that. I liked the group well enough to want to see more and felt slightly cheated at the 93-minute runtime. There were plenty of places to pad; we could have met these women or at least interviewed them briefly. In the very least, I kinda wish I could tell them apart other than “Rosé is the blonde.” So, congrats, Blackpink, you have left me wanting for more. Do you deserve better? Not really. Take the W and arrange another World Tour.
There once were four gals from Korea
Performing everywhere from Seoul to Eritrea
I don’t know their deal
And my heart they’ve yet to steal
Yet I’ve no doubt they could double as a panacea
Not Rated, 93 Minutes
Director: Min Geun, Oh Yoon-Dong
Writer: History
Genre: “Hey, this isn’t Taylor Swift”
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: 11-year-old Korean fangirls
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Are you into bands where dancing on stage would be considered shocking? Then this isn’t for you
