I don’t remember reviewing the original Anaconda. At the time, I’m sure I would have found it pointless. “It’s a bad horror film about a too-big-too-insatiable snake.” What more would one need to describe it? Honestly, I don’t remember the performances of JLo, Ice Cube, or Jon Voight, although I’m sure they were all groundbreaking cinematic genius. What I most remember is that Owen Wilson gets swallowed up fairly early, probably so he could go make a movie with Jackie Chan.
Hence, the premise here is pretty good: while I found the original Anaconda silly and forgettable, our two leads, Doug (Jack Black) and Griff (Paul Rudd), are obsessed with the picture, and can’t wait to remake it. This dream seems to come true when Griff, a failed actor, somehow secures the rights to the original. Naturally, he rounds up his homies, Doug, Kenny (Steve Zahn), and Claire (Thandie Newton), to shoot the picture anew on their combined budget of $9,000.
[Psst, it takes slightly more than $9,000 even to make a really bad film.]
Oh, and all these folks are -to a person- some level of failure, which is why the project seems both completely unreasonable and perfect at the same time. A lot of this film will feel not so much as a remake of Anaconda as a remake of Be Kind Rewind, the film where Jack Black has to make low-budget remakes of Blockbuster rentals. The humor is about on par with Be Kind Rewind as well.
To be honest, I expected Anaconda to be a little more amusing. It did have some moments, like when 
the gang sacrifices a presumed-dead Doug to the snake God or the term “Buffalo sober,” meaning just beer and wine. I have more than a few in-laws from Western New York. Yeah, that tracks. Mostly, however, I smiled politely waiting for a more humorous film to arrive. I think the film wanted to highlight the star power of the original rather than the absurd plot of the original; I guarantee there was more joy to be had in acknowledging exactly how bad the original film is.
Paul Rudd and Jack Black are just about as amiable a pair as Hollywood can summon up at present, so even when Anaconda is, shall we say, uneventful, it is still generally pleasant. And even when it isn’t, Anaconda still gave us a classic student film, “The Quatch,” a film-in-film that will bring out the MST3K fan in all of us. Mild, very mild recommendation.
There was once filmmaker named Doug
Whose ambitions got swept under the rug
But now he’s a chance
To make his dreams dance
If only he had a budget, oh well :shrug:
Rated PG-13, 99 Minutes
Director: Tom Gormican
Writer: Tom Gormican, Kevin Etten, Hans Bauer
Genre: What the Hell is Jack Black doing now?!
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: How much might you enjoy watching idiots remake a bad movie?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “This is stupid”
