Taylor Swift had a movie to coincide with her new album, so, hey, why can’t Megadeth do the same?
Well, I mean other than the part where Taylor Swift is a revered and respected international artist, a global household name, a news magnet, an attractive young woman who sells out 50,000 seat arenas all over the planet and is just back from arguably the most successful tour in the history of music.
Megadeth is … not.
But nobody thinks Megadeth is Taylor Swift, and only a jackass like me would compare the two when their Venn diagrams have almost no intersection. Still, it is hard not to notice that Swift’s new album, The Life of a Showgirl, came out within the past three months accompanied by a half-assed documentary tie-in and every artist since to try this particular stratagem is just praying for some Taylor-made magic. Good luck with that.
Dave Mustane is age 64, and if I’m being generous, he looks like he’s 70. {Dave Mustane looks like somebody gave a corpse the perm Goldie Hawn had at the end of Private Benjamin.) He was booted out of Metallica in 1983. He partied too hardy for Metallica. You might have to read that twice. Dave claims they still get along famously, but I cannot help thinking that Metallica rose further than Megadeth in the big scheme of musical fortunes; I wonder if Dave ever regrets it. My guess is he doesn’t. This entire movie is videos of each song on the new Megadeth album interspersed with Dave talking songs, albums, and life. The man clearly likes the hand he’s been dealt; he likes being in charge; he’s proud of his music and knows his worth. I think he’s extremely comfortable knowing that while Metallica might have risen a little higher, Megadeth certainly has busloads of loyal fans on its own. And, quite frankly, who the Hell is writing new music at age 64?
I can’t say as any song off this recent album distinguished itself more than any other. I’m afraid my ear for speed metal gave out in the 1980s. But I can describe the setting for the video of each song on the album:
“Tipping Point” – Haunted abandoned prison
“I Don’t Care” – Haunted abandoned skate park
“Hey God?!” – Haunted abandoned VHS tape of a revivalist gathering
“Let There Be Shred” – Haunted abandoned decoupage
Well, you get the idea. (Although for a few songs, they just show concert footage)
Dave Mustane isn’t much of a storyteller, and he sits back with a book of old album covers like a nana about to read to her grandchildren. “Now, my little grandbabies, let me tell you all about a band called ‘Y & T’ “ He will reminisce
fondly about artwork that I’m sure appeals to the same folks his music appeals to, which is to say not many, but I’m sure they’re brand loyal. Several involve drawings of a skeleton (Mr. Megadeth?) playing chess in a fire pit. I’m not sure the skeleton knows the rules, but I’m pretty sure he’s winning all the same.
One of the curious stories Dave told about past silliness was how he had to buy the name “Megadeth” back because (if I’m understanding this correctly) the Circle Jerks’ drummer/accountant bought the rights to it first. So now, Dave Mustane exacts his revenge by making all promoters sign a contract clause obliging them to pay $500 for each misspelling of “Megadeth.” I wonder how many times that one has been enforced. My personal guess is zero. But it’s just a guess. I can’t help thinking, “This is where you draw the line?” You’re really going to crimp on people for misspelling “Megadeth?” I mean, the word doesn’t make any sense and you’ve misspelled “death.” Maybe I just don’t understand how important band names are and how there are only a few of them that sell themselves. Clearly, the guy from the Circle Jerks understands this much better than I do.
I don’t have anything against Megadeth or Dave Mustane. Go out and be the best Megadeth you can be, Dave. But I’ve probably heard the last Megadeth song I’m ever going to hear.
There once was a young guitarist named Dave
His Metallic bandmates didn’t find him the rave
So he and his meth
Became Megadeth
And he’ll take that to his surprisingly late grave
Not Rated, 108 Minutes
Director: Casey Tebo
Writer: Dave Mustane
Genre: “I made an album, too!”
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Megadetheaters
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: If you don’t like speed metal, you probably aren’t gonna like somebody talking about it like he’s written Beethoven’s Fifth
