You’re gonna ask: “She’s in jail, right?” Because when I tell you the facts, that’s the only conclusion any reasonable person would reach, no matter how romantically inclined. You can’t just squat uninvited in an Italian estate, assume a life of pampering and luxury that is not yours, and expect to get away with it, can you?
I mean, exactly how much of “hopeless” among the “hopeless romantic” are you? Willing to overlook theft and fraud? Well, I suppose being American helps; we’re clearly willing to overlook a ton of illegality in order to promote Trump and his agenda of reckless narcissism.
Anna (Halle Bailey) is a professional housesitter, if there is such a thing. We feel for her because she’s put her life on hold for the death of her mother. However, the experience has left her penniless and alone. As a result, she tends to dream about living the life of whomever she is sitting for. Down on her luck, she meets Matteo (Lorenzo de Moor), a handsome young Italian man of leisure (yeah, he’s “doing business” in New York. Sure he is). Anna and Matteo hit it off, and he woos her with pictures of the rose-colored life in the Tuscan villa he owns.
So, the next day, Anna flies to Tuscany on her own. Because of course she does. And -wouldn’t you know it? Everything is booked for some rando festival … and Anna just happens to remember this fab estate she learned about yesterday that is currently unoccupied. What were the odds? [If you can imagine that wasn’t her destination from the time she grabbed a cab to JFK, you are a better man than I.]
Oh, and there’s another rando hunky young single Italian man, Michael (Regé-Jean Page), who just happens to be Matteo’s brother. What were the odds?
And while snooping through Matteo’s house, Anna finds an engagement ring, puts it on and immediately has Matteo’s fam believing she is affianced to Matteo. What were the odds?
Now everybody loves Anna, even though her entire presence at the villa is one big lie. What were the odds?
You know what? The odds are long. Very long. This shit so much doesn’t happen in real life to the point that it makes things that actually happened in real life less likely to have happened.
But Tuscany is undeniably pretty.
As is Anna.
As is Michael.
As is Matteo.
And, well, good things happen to pretty people. That’s the way it ought to work, right?
I liked this film better when it was set in a bleak Chicago winter and called While You Were Sleeping. You, Me & Tuscany doesn’t credit the Sandra Bullock Christmas
romance, but it’s the same film. Struggling single woman wants a different life, assumes betrothed status to a man who ain’t there. Unaware of the truth and enamored with the girl, his family protects her lie, and then she falls for his brother anyway. Same film; it’s just prettier in Tuscany. But the original was better on several counts, not the least of which being, 1) Sandra Bullock, and 2) It was funnier, and -dare I say- more realistic, sorta.
You, Me & Tuscany is cute, and you will appreciate Regé-Jean Page with or without a shirt, but there’s too much fantasy and criminal forgiveness in this film for me to ignore. I do love that Anna was given a culinary skill set, and that she speaks a little Italian. Clearly you’ve considered your heroine, film. Is that enough for me to go thumbs up? No.
There was once a Manhattan leech, Anna
Who life never made top banana
So she flew ‘cross the pond
Intruded and beyond
Suddenly life was all Italian man-na
Rated PG-13, 105 Minutes
Director: Kat Coiro
Writer: Ryan Engle, Kristin Engle
Genre: You’ve seen this … even if you think you haven’t. You have
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Dreamers
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “Can we at least know where she stands on fascism before we invite this Trump-world American to live in Italy?”
