Welcome to the best tween Jewish summer camp film so far this year! And if you think that’s damning with faint praise, it is. It most certainly and definitely is. And I can’t believe that Adam Sandler didn’t have a hand in this. Of course, if he did, it would probably star all of his children and nobody else, so there’s that. Not that I couldn’t find the film off-putting as is. Tiny Fugitives is a film I tried on for size, but it just didn’t fit no matter what I did. Your results may differ.
Nerdy dreamer Jacob Udell (Benjamin Pajak) takes time out his busy getting bullied schedule to fantasize about summer vacay, which is just around the corner. For Jesus knows, sorry. Scratch that. For Lord knows what reason, Jacob and his bff Charness (Aaron Harris) are psyched for sleepaway summer camp, begging the question, “Geez, dudes, how bad is your home life?” Actually, don’t answer that. It is pretty bad.
Oh, but summer camp isn’t enough. After missing every cue to get to first base with his would-be girlfriend, Jacob has decided that he wants to stay at camp FOREVER.
Now, you might ask, “HOW?!?!”
I certainly did. And Jacob has an answer to that. It’s a weak answer, and it shows an incredible lack of understanding of, pretty much, everything. But he does have an answer.
Step one: Get quarantined on the last day of camp. This is achieved by all the prospective Tiny Fugitives getting pink eye. How is pink eye achieved? Used plunger directly to the face. Yup. That’s nasty. And -I swear to you- this is best, most well-reasoned, and only successful part of the plan.
Step two: Wait for the bulk of counselors to leave and then take off for the site of “Old Jewish summer camp,” abandoned, literally, decades ago. Oh, it’s still intact. It just has … nothing. Absolutely nothing. Wait. That’s not quite right. It still has structure and a functioning roof. These are improvements on “nothing,” to be sure, but only if everything else is in place, like food and heat and blankets and beds and clothing and running water and plumbing.
Step three: Live there. Forever.
Let me ask this: when you storm the larder of a camp that has been abandoned for fifty years, would you want to find it full? I will not spoil the answer to that question. Suffice to say, these kids have many challenges. The
biggest challenge is ancient loser counselor, Bob (Johnny Knoxville), an avid rule-enforcer who is … not good at his job. The film milks a lot of humor out of the kids challenging Bob. I was left wondering if Knoxville still does his own stunts in a film like this. I bet he does. I mean, why wouldn’t he?
Tiny Fugitives relies a great deal on the personality of Jacob, leader of this insane and myopic plan. Problem is I didn’t like the little creep. I could take the fact that he missed countless cues from Jewish “Kiss Me Kate” over there, but his willingness to deep-six his best friend or consider exactly nobody else in his escape plan seemed a tad unforgiveable. You want to live at camp forever? Sure. Why not? I can get behind that, I guess. But how about you at least pay the tiniest bit of respect to the others who are going to pull this off with you? I dunno. Maybe it’s the age I don’t jive with any longer. But, my li’l star-of-David dudes. If you pull this off, you’ll never get a Bar or Bat Mitzvah; which means you’re deliberately missing the best party you’ll ever have in your lifetime all to sleep blanketless, hungry, dirty, and bored on the floors of Camp Termite. Enjoy.
There once was a kid name of Jake
A nerd and yet also a flake
He decided, on a whim
Camp rules? Not for him
So he fled to make his own, for goodness sake
Rated R, 99 Minutes
Director: Michael Lewen
Writer: Jacob Kaplan, Michael Lewen
Genre: OK, but you’ll miss your Bar Mitzvah
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Kids who enjoy Jewish summer camp, I hope
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “Good Lord, is this plan ever stupid”
