For a mummy film, Lee Cronin’s The Mummy makes a decent possession/exorcism film. That said, exorcism is a different kind of horror, a much more uncomfortable one. I kinda wish I’d been warned about that.
Writer/director Lee Cronin (whom did you expect?) made a lot of movie. In fact, Lee made so much movie, he insisted upon putting his name on it. I’m not quite sure how or why Lee got his name in the title; his only film to date was a way over-the-top Evil Dead film. Suddenly one meh film merits Mary Shelley or Bram Stoker treatment? OK. Maybe it was just a warning to the audience: “What you’re about to see is only peripherally about a mummy; this is parental nightmare material forever.”
In fact, I find it hard to say whether or not this film is scary. It’s creepy; it’s unnerving; it’s disturbing. Is it scary? Yes, if you worry about your children becoming drug addicts or something along those lines. If you attend horror wanting to feel the thrill of fright for your own channeled safety, however, you might be better off in a different film.
News reporter Charlie Cannon (Jack Reynor) lives in Egypt with his fam. Well, they lived in Egypt until his 9-year-old daughter Katie is abducted without a trace. That doesn’t seem terribly hospitable. The film decided this was a good time to skip over the procedural stuff and get to ten years later in New Mexico: Katie is returned, but she ain’t the same.
Looking like a victim of discount plastic surgery and combining the gait and speech pattern of a feeble octogenarian with dementia, 19-year-old-Katie (Natalie Grace) has all the appeal of putting on wet socks to start your day. For the most part, she gurgles motionless. Although sometimes she interrupts such to sneer with a blank expression. How would you like to parent an evil, catatonic teen? (How could you tell? :rimshot:) Is it worse than the alternative?
I shan’t spoil the surprise, but suffice to say there’s a pretty good reason Katie didn’t
come back right, or perhaps I should say, didn’t come back alone. For parents, this is a nightmare film from start to finish. And one could easily make three more horror sequels just dealing with the emotional fallout from this silliness. The picture presented to me had very little to do with a mummy and everything to do with a demonic teenager. Was this the metaphor Lee Cronin wanted? Half the time, I felt like Lee Cronin was saying, “Aren’t teens just the worst?”
Lee Cronin’s The Mummy is definitely a horror film. For all I found it an unsettling devotion to cringe, I cannot deny that I was horrified … and more than once. Does that justify the title? Does that justify the 134-minute runtime? I wanna say, “maybe?” Fine, Lee, you’ve made art. Don’t make a sequel.
There once was girl named Kate
Kidnapped just past age of eight
Returned in ten years
Triggering volumes of fears
Including, “When is she likely to date?”
Rated R, 134 Minutes
Director: Lee Cronin
Writer: Lee Ceronin
Genre: Films that make you cringe
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Horror buffs
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People who came to see a genuine mummy film
