Guilty pleasures don’t get any guiltier. I’d sooner cop to loving My Little Pony: The Movie (if that were the case, which it is not). Stop! That! Train! (2026 default Oscar winner for most unnecessary punctuation use) looks like what would happen if the LGBTQ+ community up and decided to remake Airplane! And I’m betting that’s exactly what happened.
Starring drag queens Ginger Minj and Jujubee as train stewardesses and RuPaul as the President, Stop! That! Train! actually employs drag actors in its top eight roles. And if that doesn’t bug you, this film can be a lot of fun. Tess (Minj) and DeeDee (Jujubee) are stewardesses for Stank Rail, which goes out of business the very minute the film starts. Scrambling for jobs, the two find themselves as coach stewardesses on a luxury train: the Glamazonian Express.
It just so happens the train is headed for “Stormaganza,” a weather condition prognosticating houses that fall on witches. And the train has no brakes, hence it’s scheduled to crash in Florida at the home of Laurie Metcalf. It should be pointed out here that several of the Airplane!-ish jokes in the film don’t work, but this got me off to such a good start, I was willing to roll with it.
There’s a big rivalry between the trio of Glamazonian marquee stewardesses and their ex-Stank rivals, which gets played up a ton for fun. The Glamazonian regulars get to accommodate the luxury passengers. Like Snowpiercer, each car is its own separate story. While one might tell of hillbillies and in-breeding, a car closer to the engineer might find a group of meditators, all in “zen” phase.
There are several running gags in the film. One is the constant abuse of Sarah Michelle Gellar, who gets abused as the only celebrity on the flight. One is either Missi Pyle or Elaine Hendrix (I still can’t tell the difference) as the train vixen attempting too hard to score, and yet another is a patter in which tough news is requested: “Give it to 
me straight!” followed immediately by “Give it to me gay!” I think this is a set of scenes you have to see to enjoy, but I don’t think that should be a tall ask.
How about a scorpion for a “service animal?” How about a President suffering from tragic United States Rail Force flashbacks? No? Well, to each their own.
I watched this within a week of Scary Movie, a true dog and one in which almost none of the humor left me smiling. What was the difference in Stop! That! Train! I think it’s because the latter tried. Scary Movie plays better as a trivia game where you try to guess each film being parodied … but there wasn’t anything of Substance in the parody. I can see you going after Smile here. OK. So what did you want to say about Smile? “Dudes keep smiling.” Insightful stuff, Wayans brothers. Stop! That! Train! did not always find the funniest joke, but you can see it tried. And of all the satires that have emulated Airplane! since the Zucker brothers invented this genre of comedy, I honestly think Stop! That! Train! came the closest. I know this film is only going to be enjoyed by drag queen audiences, but I think it should have a greater appeal. Yes, it’s a guilty pleasure; I’m not going to pretend this film was anything more than a bundle of silly, but it got me to laugh, which Scary Movie definitely did not do.
Two train attendants, DeeDee and Tess
Get themselves into a great big mess
Without knowing what they’re doin’
They boarded a train headed for ruin
But their pride is still intact, God bless
Rated R, 90 Minutes
Director: Adam Shankman
Writer: Christina Friel, Connor Wright
Genre: Don’t ask
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Drag queens
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Serious people
