Birds are morons. Nope, you can’t talk me out of this one. It’s funny the things that roll through your brain as you witness hundreds of flighted birds play chicken with a large. stationary, solid object (in this case a house). I couldn’t help thinking, ” wow, birds are stupid.” I don’t care if it’s fiction. And I love birds. But they’re not bright animals. And I’ve seen birds fly straight into buildings, thus braining themselves. Now, one bird doing that? That’s creepy, but not shocking. And entire flock? Three entire flocks at once? Directly into your house? That’s both creepy and shocking. What’s with the nature mass kamikaze mission? That is precisely what Dark Skies sets out to explore.
So Lacy (Keri Russell) and Daniel (Josh Hamilton — oh, come on, man, I just made a joke about a nothing actor sharing a name with a star athlete, like three reviews ago) are normal suburb parents — mortgage, dog, jobs, 2.4 kids (two kids and a shadowy intruder of some sort) — when weird crap starts happenin’, like the aviary Jim Jones routine and the boy starts behaving like he’s been forced to see the entire Tyler Perry filmography. The movie makes a point of how Lacy and Danny are normal. That would kinda piss me off. I’m “normal.” Do 500 
hundred birds migrate directly into my house? How ’bout you? Any lemming-like behavior going on at your place? This seems to have something to do with the youngest son, Sam (Kadan Rockett – no relation to Herbie Hancock), which is good, because the elder, Jesse (Dakota Goyo), hasn’t quite got being a rebel down yet and could use some pointers from his future dropout friends.
In the mean time, whomever or whatever is screwing with Sam is starting to screw with everybody. Danny goes out for a nosebleed; Lacy starts banging her head without the aid of Quiet Riot. The family blackouts are pretty freaky/scary stuff. Is it possession? Insanity? Clever product placement for Tylenol? If the possession route, I couldn’t help wondering, “why, occupants, why? Are you guys just jerks or something? Look, is it too much to ask that you go about your business without braining the host? As house guests go, you kind of suck.”
Eventually Danny gets wise and realizes he can get some good evidence and spice up his sex life by setting up cameras all over the house. This has nothing, nothing, nothing whatsoever to do with the Paranormal Activity franchise. How could you even imply such a thing? How dare you?! I’m leaving.
Visitors come for a stay
They aren’t really much into play
They don’t like to sleep
Make hardly a peep
What’s up? Don’t give it away
Rated PG-13, 97 Minutes
D: Scott Stewart
W: Scott Stewart
Genre: Paranormal romance minus the romance
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: The paranoid
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: The paranoid
