Reviews

The Boss Baby

uWe’re in dangerous territory here. The Boss Baby cannot help but remind one of the Baby Geniuses franchise, the latter being among the worst in movie history. Baby Geniuses made the Twilight films feel like The Godfather trilogy by comparison. Smart babies are creepy. I don’t even like those e-trade ads.

A walking/talking baby in a business suit barking orders and behaving as if every person he encounters is a subordinate?  This is not a good idea. You get that, right? Babies shouldn’t be in business suits. They shouldn’t be worried about making deals, roaming data, or the consequences of colluding with Russia to get elected. It’s all bad. This whole project smacks to me of that person who dresses inappropriately for a family-related Halloween party.

Now, that said … I kinda liked this film. The deal is all babies exist in a cloud above somewhere; the ones who pass a tickle test get sent to families; the ones who do not are sent, immediately, to the front office where their innate bureaucratic senses are honed in heavenly cubicles. Yeah, I know. It doesn’t sound great so far. The Boss Baby (voice of Alec Baldwin) in question is sent earthward to infiltrate a family and report on the puppy love quota. The dilemma in the baby world is simple: there’s a finite amount of love to be had and puppies are grabbing the mastiff’s share; it’s time for babies to act!

Speaking of getting aced out of attention, erstwhile only child Tim (Miles Christopher Bakshi) now knows the pain of siblings. Far as I can tell, his overindulgent parents used to stage a full costumed version of “Hamilton” for Tim’s bedtime ritual. Now, Tim is lucky if they even acknowledge him during the day. This is where the movie works — In a way, babies are bosses, and tyrannical ones at that – they demand, demand, demand, demand, and if they don’t get exactly what they want, they tweet lies at 3 a.m. let you know, stridently, immediately, and constantly until resolution. Tim, unfortunately, ain’t a bright kid, and Boss Baby is always a step ahead of him. Can these two figure out how to co-exist until Boss Baby get return to that big office in the sky?

Did that sound creepy? Good. It should. There’s a scene in Boss Baby in which a clean-up crew removes all traces of a baby from a domicile.  This treatment also includes modification of parental memories. I think any parent who has lost a child will find this scene either disgusting or heartbreaking.

Yeah, I know. It doesn’t sound like I enjoyed this film. Certainly, I shouldn’t have. But DreamWorks is damn good at figuring out how to market an animated film for all audiences. For example – there’s a point where Tim and Boss Baby have to find a ride from McCarran International to the Las Vegas Convention Center. The baby’s cute routine sells it for a limo of debs and as Tim hops out of the vehicle upon arrival, he tosses the tall drink in his hand, complaining, “The people of Long Island do NOT know how to make an iced tea!” There was just enough of that to overcome my personal revulsion at the rest. I cannot guarantee the same for others.

♪I wasn’t lookin’ but somehow you pwned me
I tried to destroy your night light
From heaven above me
This GQ preemie
Is keepin’ all the eyes on him tonight

Nobody shuns me better
Makes me feel bad for the loss
Nobody dealt this half as good as you
Baby, you’re the Boss♫

Rated PG, 97 Minutes
D: Tom McGrath
W: Michael McCullers
Genre: Salvaging a bad idea
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Frustrated new parents, siblings
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Parents who have lost children

♪ Parody inspired by “Nobody Does It Better”

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