WWJD? I may not be the world’s most preeminent theologian … or even a theologian … or preeminent … or worldly, but I’m pretty sure Jesus was all about the love. Jesus loved straight people, gay people, black people, white people, orange people, plaid people, MAGAs, liberals, and star-bellied sneetches alike. Insisting a homosexual person needs to be saved “in the name of Jesus” is a crime and an affront, imho, to true Christianity. And yet, Christian homosexual-conversion camps still exist. Of course they do.
Look, MAGA Christians – if you read my words (I’m not sure why you would, but hey, stranger things have happened), please consider Jesus. That guy who loved everybody. Do you really think Jesus hated gay people, and, by extension, do you really think God hates gay people? That God wants to convert gay people? Why would Jesus care? Oh, this is fruitless.
Speaking of fruitless, Joel Edgerton decided to make another movie and cast himself as the morally compromised conversion master, Victor Sykes. What with Sykes and Drago, it’s not a great month for movie Victors. Victor runs a camp where they’ll sequester your queer teen and bible thump the gay right out of them. Coincidentally, parents Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe (Christ, is anybody in the film from this hemisphere?) just so happen to have a son, Jared, who thinks about men. Oh good, at least the actor who plays Jared (Lucas Hedges) is American; I hate being shamed by other cultures. Look, you’re not wrong, but let us conclude by ourselves that Trump is a fascist idiot and evangelical Christianity is morally repugnant. If you give us the fish, we never learn that Nazism is bad.
The “dilemma” that his kid has “chosen” the “sinful” path is especially grating on both Baptist Preacher Marshall (Crowe) and excessive quotation mark usage. I always wonder with guys like this, what would you prefer? That your son were a heterosexual predator? That he got an underage girl pregnant? You literally disowned a kid over sexual orientation; do you know how silly that sounds? Did Jesus ever preach the proper way to hit on women? This is, of course, all just foreplay – the meat of the picture is about Jared’s excellent adventure at the conversion camp he is forced to attend. The salient points of the camp involve “taking a moral inventory” and “fake it til you make it, “ but taught in about the most abusive ways possible. Kids are petitioned to rat on their parents, sibs, and extended family. Their possessions are forcibly taken for the day – the counselors even read through Jared’s journal to check for ungodly material. That’s just Nazi shit, as enforced by Red Hot Chili Pepper Flea (?!); my favorite part is when boys are given posture and sports lessons to become more “manly.” Wow, you guys have quite the narrow view of homosexuals, doncha?
While essentially the same film as The Miseducation of Cameron Post, Boy Erased has two assets Post does not: 1) this film is biographical and not based on any secondhand experience; whomever Jared Eamons is, he lived this Hell. 2) The horror in this film is greater; it’s probably because the film is biographical. If Boy Erased is only fiction based on biography and goes over-the-top, it becomes unbelievable. It is increasingly difficult, however, to dismiss things that actually happened; like the horror of Trump’s presidency, as much as you might wish to dismiss or deflate, this situation is not exaggerated; we are all living it. We know the details of Jared Eamons’ captivity because here are all his records to prove it.
The Catholic Church has taken a ton of hits lately, and rightly so. At least there wasn’t underage molesting involved in this bit of non-Catholic Christian ugly, right? If you think about it, however, how is the situation here that much different, really? Church elders are identifying, isolating, and collecting non-adults, then subsequently abusing them for days, perhaps months, at a time. I suppose verbal, psychological, and occasional physical abuse might not measure up to sexual abuse, but –and let me be clear here—you, Christian sexual conversion proponents, are inviting this comparison, and inviting it with open arms. You’re monsters and I’m glad there are films like this to say how and why.
♪The Lord said to Noah
“I’m worried ‘bout the sinnin’ sinnin’ “
Lord said to Noah
I’m worried ‘bout the sinnin’ sinnin’
Wipe off all that silly grinnin’ grinnin’,
Children,” bade The Lord
The animals were chosen
To be pairs a matin’ matin’
The animals were chosen
To be pairs a matin’ matin’
“Good luck enforcing all that hatin’ hatin’
Children,” bade The Lord
Despise and whine
And teach God your story, story
Despise and whine
And teach God your story, story
Alienation shows His glory, glory
Children, who’s your Lord? ♫
Rated R, 115 Minutes
Director: Joel Edgerton
Writer: Joel Edgerton
Genre: Haters for Jesus
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People whose faith is about love
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: MAGA Christians
♪ Parody Inspired by “Rise and Shine”
