It’s not every day a film attempts to make a star out of a weapon from the board game “Clue.” Personally, I’m holding out for the Lead Pipe biopic, but that’s just me. And it’s not every day that said film crashes and burns so badly that you wish you had taken a nap instead. Meh, whachagonnado? Rope my friend, sorry buddy, you can light a torch, you can hold a candle, and you can leave me hangin’, but you can’t carry a film.
In Taiwan, there’s a morbid legend that goes something like this: if someone hangs themselves, the rope used for the hanging is cursed; it will continue to do evil until it is ritually destroyed. Ok, fine, not the best opening I’ve ever heard, but you’ve set the premise adequately enough – obviously, we’re gonna open with a suicide (check), the rope will be identified and blamed (check), it will be labeled for ritual destruction (check), and it will somehow escape the initial peril (check). This seems akin to Japanese horror legends like The Grudge and The Ring, except there’s no evil demonic entity behind this, just a piece of rope. So B- on the legend, but a D- for logical conclusion.
Those grades assume that the execution in the (check) phase is flawless, which, well, what are you doing, people? First, the rope itself manages to hop the cart, you know, like a drifter exiting a slow moving train. But it’s a rope. Ropes are stationary by nature, so it has to have help. You had one job, team Rope Ritual. One. The best part? The ritual goes on because team Rope Ritual put the rope in a sack, and there’s still a sack, so clearly there must still be a rope. One job. Then this is my favorite part – the ritual is held at night because otherwise you might see something [the cinematography is this film is awful], so naturally there are a few bonfires around. Part of this ritual involves putting the rope on a bonfire, yes? Logic says rope burns with fire. No, there, apparently, my assumption is pure folly; the ritual climaxes with the rope (or in this case, empty sack) being thrown into the sea.
Do you even understand the basic properties of rope?
Pacing this magnificent drama are two idiot boys with a video blog. Oh, don’t misunderstand, the initial curse happened because a young girl got dissed by a boy, so the film sagely ignores her backstory and follows stupid boys around. The males in The Rope Curse add nothing. Absolutely 
nothing. The film is mildly more compelling when girls are on the screen, but since the curse had to be introduced first, we already know where their plot is going.
At its best, The Rope Curse starts to resemble the sinister of modern Japanese horror, but the glimpses are shallow and fleeting. What prevails is confusing, inane, and filmed in such poor light that it’s next to impossible to pick up what’s going on. I wouldn’t call this film among the worst 2018 necessarily, but only because the stupidity made me stop caring looooong before it was obvious how poorly the film was shot.
A curse cleansed with fire as absolver
Should have yielded to efficient resolver
Yet I know the culprit
So I’ll preach from my pulpit
‘Twas Colonel Mustard in the Hall with the Revolver
Not Rated, 106 Minutes
Director: Shih-Han Liao
Writer: The Rope
Genre: Horror for idiots
Person most likely to enjoy this film: Muhammad Ali, and other fans of “Rope-a-dope”
Person least likely to enjoy the film: Those of us wishing supernatural forces would put a little more effort in, y‘know?
