Et tu, Steph Curry? Casual basketball fans will certainly perk up when Josh Lucas namedrops Steph Curry and Kevin Durant at breakfast, but only true fans will catch that future icicle John has a Davidson College poster of Steph hanging on the wall of his room. Why all the Steph love? Turns out “Stephen Curry” was an executive producer of this dreck; I dunno what it normally takes to get Steph’s credit to roll, but he’s plastered all over the opening of this Godtale of the week.
Yay? Rah. Go State. Beat team.
Winter. Kid breaks through shallow ice. Pronounced dead by hospital. Prayed back to life. Yeah, the Christian folks are at it again, making sure we know their God is the bestest! Golly gee, I had no idea where I stood on the whole God topic until Breakthrough insisted this was a TRUE STORY! Now? Just try a pry me away from chapel when I get gutshot or contract pneumonia.
The Smith family is a fairly average bunch of Godsquaders in small-town Missouri. Their tweener son John (Marcel Ruiz) was adopted as a baby from Guatemala. In case you missed that bit of subtlety, a Guatemalan is being raised in Missouri under the name of “John Smith.” You know what? Feel free to write your own joke on this one:__________________. No, I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically wrong with giving him the name “John Smith,” but … do you have any idea how “Woohoo! Anglo-Saxons #1, dude!” that sounds? No? We’re just gonna pretend this is normal? Ok, a Jalen Rose by any other name.
John is really into basketball as the defense-challenged scenes would suggest. Like most kids, he has issues at school, at home, on the court, with his parents, his friends, his “friends,” his coach, the school nurse, his guidance counselor, his probation officer, his psychic, his doula, but all of that is just screenplay noise. The big moment happens when he and two friends are horsing around on a frozen lake and discover it wasn’t so frozen. Truth be told, this was actually some quality filmmaking; I knew exactly what was coming and it shocked me all the same. And I knew exactly what would happen and I still clenched in anxious exasperation waiting for the rescue workers to find John. The rest of the film? Just amounts to mom (Chrissy Metz) praying. Like I say: there’s nothin’ more excitin’ on celluloid than people praying.
All you really need to know about this film happens in the first minute, when we the audience are introduced to St. God middle school to the tune of “Uptown Funk.” Oh yeah, Breakthough is gonna be all hipster pious. And you know the part in the song that goes “too hot … hot damn!” Breakthough left out the “hot damn” responses; you see, God doesn’t like to be paired with the word “damn,” does She? Yup, Breakthough tried so hard to be young and fresh, you almost feel sorry for it … like that movie about cheerleading grandmothers. What is the essence of youth, after all, if it’s not pastor Topher Grace with a Bart Simpson haircut? The good pastor has a –and I’m not kidding- rock ‘n’ roll warm up act before he gets to his sermon where he compares God to “The Bachelor.” You really want to cry – oh, film, you’re trying soooooo hard to bring God to the masses. Bless you.
Ok, I conclude with a rebuttal:
If this film were made during another era in American history or presented to an audience with national healthcare, say … Canada, I would have dismissed it as harmless tripe. But health-wise, we are at a critical point in American history. Healthcare, and lack of affordability thereof, has become, I believe, the biggest issue in the United States. There are literally millions of people in this country who can not afford to see a doctor and that number grows every day. The last President agreed with me and did everything in his power to come up with a solution … with mixed results. The current President decided his entire agenda was destroying the legacy of the last President, damn the consequences. His ability to mar the last guy’s solution has also seen mixed results.
Breakthough isn’t helping the conversation. There are already far too many folks in this country who believe vaccines do more harm than good; there are too many folks who don’t believe climate change is thing; getting more anti-science leaning morons on-board with the idea that when you’re sick you’re better off in a church than a hospital is madness. Say, Steph, next time you get a dislocated finger and can’t shoot the 3-ball, make sure to see your local pastor; that’s a much better plan than the team doctor. Prayers for better health have equally as much effect as prayers for gun violence to abate. If faith healing is what you need to believe, then by all means, believe it and go about your merry way; enjoy your naturally shortened life as best you can, but please don’t bring it to the masses. There is enough idiocy in the United States as is without another plea to let the completely unqualified gain more control. In the aftermath, Breakthrough feels less like a genuine film and more like a self-affirmation in film form.
The sport of hockey is my vice
I don’t need to tell you twice
Hard to play? Not if paired
It’s a cinch, when compared
To skating the other side of the ice
Rated PG, 116 Minutes
Director: Roxann Dawson
Writer: Grant Nieporte
Genre: Praying for a better film to come along
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Christian Scientists
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Real Scientists
