Reviews

The Reports on Sarah and Saleem

She’s Israeli, he’s Palestinian. Uh oh. They’re both married to other people. Double uh oh. Her husband is a colonel specializing in anti-terrorist work. Triple –well, you guys just didn’t really reason this one out, didja? To quote “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”: “Love makes you do the wacky.” It doesn’t get wackier than jeopardizing your entire life for some forbidden fruit.

Honestly, I’m not sure it is love with these two – Sarah (Sivane Kretchner) is dissatisfied with her husband, David (Ishai Golan). Enough such that she will voluntarily miss QT with her five-year-old for this tryst. She’s not fond of the nomadic life of an Israeli army wife: here today, Golan tomorrow. She’s put down roots in their suburban Bethlehem apartment; don’t tell her there’s no more room at the inn.

Saleem (Adeeb Safadi) is likely sex-starved. His wife, Bisan (Maisa Abd Elhadi), is expecting their first child and, for fear of the baby, she don’t play that no more. So this seems more a summit of mutual dissatisfaction and opportunism – Saleem makes deliveries to Sarah’s café. And that’s not just a metaphor; it’s the genuine truth.

The trouble starts with the setup to a bad joke: An Israeli and a Palestinian walk into a bar … Saleem and Bisan are not wealthy people. His delivery job covers exactly squat and being preggers doesn’t exactly pay bills on her end, either. Soooooo, her brother offers Saleem extra delivery work. I don’t necessarily want to be this guy, but I’d venture to guess that nowhere in the entire world do “under the table” delivery jobs involve legitimate legal cargo for legitimate legal uses. The more potentially volatile the area, the more likely this is true. “You want me to give this box to a guy who lives above a nightclub in Bethlehem?  Sure.  What’s it pay?” Saleem, why are you not questioning this? Long story short – delivery night coincided with tryst night and Saleem wanted to take Sarah to a bar for a drink afterwards, the first bit of non-sexual intimacy in the film. Nothing about this goes well, and the next day Saleem is kidnapped for whore trafficking — which is apparently a thing.

Bottom line, amateur swingers: keeps your trysts private and sex only – at least that’s what I’m taking from this.

There’s a part late in the film that really grabbed me for inclusion in the “not the world I live in … I think” category: a frustrated David starts being overly brutish in a suburban neighborhood, so dudes start throwing rocks at him from a nearby rooftop. David pulls out his service revolver and “fights back.” In the films and neighborhood I know, rock doesn’t even beat paper, much less bullets, but darned if the resistors didn’t keep pelting David with rocks. Not a lot of respect for Colonel Davey’s ability to create his own wailing wall of corpses, I’m guessing.

I found The Reports on Sarah and Saleem frustrating on a number of levels. With the possible exception of pregnant Bison, I didn’t like any of the four majors we followed. I also found it so sad that nary a one loved another among these match-ups. Given the racial enmity involved, it feels like all of this was doomed from the moment I understand, “Ohhhhhhhh. She’s Israeli, not Palestinian.” That was later than it should have been (duh, Jim. Look at the title of the freaking film), but still early enough to know this relationship is going to be strollin’ the Dead Sea sooner than later. I respect what seemed to be realistic choices and consequences in the film, but I sure didn’t fall in love with them, either.

Sarah and Saleem appear to be lost
For their red-hot has turned to frost
Have these two missed
Their once-thriving tryst?
Or are these lovers Star-of-David crossed?

Not Rated, 127 Minutes
Director: Muayad Alayan
Writer: Rami Musa Alayan
Genre: More pain in Bethlehem
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Film critics
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Optimists