Can Emma fight the undead, too? That might have spiced up this first draft of Mean Girls. Has Pride & Prejudice & Zombies spoiled me from enjoying the entire Jane Austen oeuvre? Perhaps. Waiting for Darcy to come around is so … 19th Century. Now? If Elizabeth Bennet hasn’t staked two vampires and half-accepted three invitations to prom before AP Calc, I can barely call her a feminist.
In an era where passive-aggression ruled the day, Emma would have been the queen bee, but that assessment is, like, way too aggressive, man. The whole point of this baller society (and by that I mean people who enjoy going to balls) is to wield as much influence as possible without anybody calling you on it.
Emma Woodhouse (Anya Taylor-Joy) – er, I’m sorry, that’s “Emma.” Why the period? Why not? I’m telling you this right now, however … Emma. immediately leaps into my top 1,000 all-time list of “Films ending in punctuation” right between Tora! Tora! Tora! and What’s Your Number? — Anyhoo, Emma.Woodhouse (@frogmail.com) is the solo child of a man who is really concerned about drafts (Bill Nighy). I’d poke fun at the whole “draftiness” angle, but this weird obsession gets –by far- the biggest laughs in the film. Emma mostly hangs out with her goggle-eyed, goggle-brained lackey, Harriet (Mia Goth), and her fur-raising neighbor, George Knightley (Johnny Flynn). So, if you’re paying any bit of attention, we are presented ten minutes in with a pretty young man and a pretty young woman who like to argue with one another. You’ll never be able to guess the conclusion!
The hook for this tale is that Emma. fancies herself something of a personality manipulator. I guess these days, we’d call her a mafia don. She has a way of influencing outcomes, and not necessarily for the better … like when she subtly convinces her best pal to reject a legitimate and treasured proposal in favor of a Clueless doof. Good call, Em. Hence, the film progresses until Emma. can become the grown-up she pretends she is.
Clueless is, of course, still the best take on this novel. Yet Emma. has merit. My biggest problem with the film is that Emma. does something so heartless and cruel at the beginning of Act III that I don’t think she’s able to earn our trust back before the film exits. Sure, I wanted to see the pretty people get together, and all the wrongs be righted, and for everyone to wear a smile … and yet, romance for me is about falling for the people on screen who are falling for one another. At the moment Emma. flubs, the spell on me was broken *poof* I no longer cared if Emma. found happiness. No, that’s not quite true; I NEEDED for Emma. to redeem herself and come up short because the injury was too thoughtless. Neither of my conditions was met, and thus neither was I satisfied by this take on Emma.
From Norland to Mansfield Parks
Jane kindles passionate sparks
But Emma. don’t want none
Of your hot cross bun
This period piece has a few question marks
Rated PG, 124 Minutes
Director: Autumn de Wilde
Writer: Eleanor Catton
Genre: Stationary Jane Austen (as opposed to rolling in her grave)
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: The Austen Pops
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Dating boys who are just never gonna be into Jane Austen
