Here’s an idea so silly that I really wanted them to pull it off, and for moments at a time, it almost works. Almost. But, let’s face facts: 1) Successful zoos have more than five animals. 2) Nobody expects a zoo animal to “perform” and, most importantly, 3) Even small children can tell the difference between a genuine polar bear and a guy in a polar bear costume.
The premise of Secret Zoo is pretty simple – a non-zoo person is put in charge of a failing zoo, and he has to keep it afloat despite all the animals being traded away to good zoos (for a zebra to be named later … that name? Sing Sing). So, naturally, no-zoo guy gets the remaining –and newly unburdened staff—to play the part of zoo animals. I’ll give it this much; I bet you save a ton on food and upkeep.
Kang Tae-Soo (Jae-hong Ahn) is a nothing lawyer in a something firm. One day, he sacrifices himself to shield the big boss from protestors and is “rewarded.” JH Law currently owns the Dongsan Park Zoo which makes sense because why wouldn’t a law firm own a zoo? So the firm puts Kang in charge and gives him three months to turn the failing zoo around and either receive all the blame or all the Kodos. Here’s the problem: the zoo ran out of animals. What exactly do you do … ? “I was gonna check ebay for used tigers.”
The part of the plot that works is the fact that zoo animals are actually quite boring. Don’t get me wrong; I love animals; I love zoos. But rarely do zoo animals “perform” and I believe making them do so on command is a form of animal cruelty. In the zoo, they’re supposed to be boring. It’s like watching you at home. Are you “on” 24/7? Of course not. So why should a polar bear be?
The part of the plot that doesn’t work is … not limited. The animals don’t move like animals. They don’t respond like animals. And, quite frankly, no adult sloth comes within 30% of the size of a human female. If they don’t even look like the animals they’re supposed to be, you’ve got a giant panda sized problem. Then, of course, there are the mechanics of a zoological 
park: there is an upkeep needed for the smaller animals that remain (e.g. birds, fish, insects, petting zoos); there’s also upkeep for the park itself –cleanup, security, ticket sales, marketing, physical problems with enclosures, rides, vandalism, etc. A LOT of people work at a zoo. Even a small zoo. Not just five.
Still, I cannot deny this kind of story is adorable. They need zoo animals to stay afloat, so the people dress and behave as zoo animals; how can you not love that plot?
So why make a film that caters to furries? I’m not sure. Perhaps I have underrated the sheer volume of furry ranks … or their desire to attend feature films. I kid. Secret Zoo isn’t great art or great comedy and it sure wasn’t put together by people who know anything about zoos … or law firms for that matter. But, you know, this is the kind of film that makes you smile and I don’t know anybody who doesn’t need a smile these days.
In an effort to land his partner ambition
Kang’s zoo plans had come to fruition
If you need denizens, hey, pals
Some folks dress as animals
And it’s possible they’ll even pay their own admission
Rated Z for Zebra,118 Minutes
Director: Jae-gon Son
Writer: Jae-gon Son
Genre: A furry fantasy
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Anybody who has ever empathized too much with a zoo animal
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anybody who actually works at a zoo, I imagine
