So … of all the folks around, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ speaks to you and you alone … when exactly did Jesus mention lesbianism? I mean, it’s totally cool, but it ain’t exactly big in the New Testament, knowwhatI’msayin’? Is there an appendix or an afterward that might cover this? No? I gotta believe that Jesus might have mentioned to more than one person over the twenty-one centuries of his active post-death life whether or not he was cool with sexually active lesbian nuns. That would have been nice to know. Jus’ sayin’.
A lot of people are going to reduce Benedetta to the lesbian stuff. Heck, I just did. I’m not proud of it, but if you ask me who this film will genuinely appeal to, I’m not thinking: “religious scholars”, “cloistered nuns”, or “church reformists.” No, I’m thinking Benedetta is most likely going to appeal to sexually curious boys who don’t have access to porn. Admittedly, that pool is probably thin these days.
I believe, however, the film is intended to be more of a character study of real life Italian Catholic nun Benedetta Carli, who kinda stood out as nuns go, what with the visions and stigmata and lesbianism and stuff.
God truly spoke to Benedetta (Virginie Efira). This was clear to the Carli clan early on. I’m not sure even the most pious of Catholics encourage their 10-year-olds to walk around with a statue of the Virgin Mary. But God clearly had a closer relationship to Benedetta than others. Following through on a promise he made years ago, dad places young Benedetta into the nunnery at Pescia. This marriage to Jesus required a sizable dowry, exacted by Mother Charlotte Rampling. Christ don’t come cheap; I think we all know that.
FF a decade or so, and sister Benedetta is HOT! None of that would matter, of course, as being a nun is a completely asexual state of life, except that writer/director Paul Verhoeven NEEDS his audience to know that Benedetta is HOT! Lemme put it this way—how would any normal person know a nun is sexy? Mother Theresa could have been built like Kathy Ireland for all I know. Suffice to say, I was amused that Verhoeven chose to film Sisters After Dark.
Benedetta has visions, legitimate visions of Christ speaking to her in dreams. Christ –apparently- is into the marriage thing and the “giving yourself to him” thing, and before you know it, Benedetta ha
s spontaneous stigmata, which is –apparently- easier to cure than COVID.
Somewhere in between the marriage and the stigmata, something real happens: Benedetta gets a friend. Bartolomea (Daphne Patakia), a local peasant woman, has been used as a sex doll by her father and brothers ever since mom died. She’s had enough and –in a fortuitous turn of events- shows up at the nunnery entrance exactly at the same time as Benedetta and her parents. Bartolomea thus immediately acquires an ally and a sponsor. And, pretty soon, the camera finds everything Bartolomea has to share, and –as it happens- while Bartolomea wasn’t big on the sin of incest, she was ok with nun lesbianism.
Honestly, Benedetta feels more sensationalistic than it feels like an honest account. It’s hard to know what to make of the fact that Jesus has selected Benedetta for messages and attention, but has next-to-nothing to say when Benedetta goes full lesbian. Did that matter to Jesus? I’m guessing not. Neither did it concern Jesus, apparently, that –at the time- Benedetta could be burned alive for the sin of lesbianism. Hence, I didn’t find this picture actually had an honest POV; I think it exists to sell hot nun lesbianism – which makes it worthwhile, sure, but a far cry from greatness.
Cloistering invites a strangled gloom
And the “appeal” of an ever vacant womb
Before Benedetta
Let’s notta forgetta:
“Sexy nun” was just a Halloween costume
Not Rated [Read: R], 131 Minutes
Director: Paul Verhoeven
Writer: David Birke, Paul Verhoeven
Genre: The alternative teachings of Jesus
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Horny teenage boys
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Conservative Christians
