Titular simplicity aside, did you really mean to call your film “X?” On a “guess the premise” level, X doesn’t stand for “10” or the film’s rating or anything mathematical. X is an adult-oriented film, yes, but it’s about some adults making a porn when they stumble into a slasher film. However, X isn’t a porn – which will probably disappoint a porn crowd. And it’s a bitch to google, knowwhatI’msayin’? Input “x” in imdb and see long it takes you to get to this film. Lord help you if you know nothing about it.
Speaking of “Lord help you,” the beginning of X shows one big bloody crime scene in a rural Texas home so nasty even the bugs think twice about visiting. Adding to this ambiance of delight, some preacher dude on a crappy b&w set is sermonizing full volume in an upstairs “bedroom.” That’s the only voice around. While I might fault the budget, I cannot fault writer/director Ti West for not making exactly the film he wanted to make.
And what inspired Ti West to make a rural slasher mock porn film set in 1979? My best guess is that he said, “You know that creepy bathtub woman from The Shining … what if we made a film about her? So if you naturally find old withered people creepy, have I got a film for you!
The basic premise here is six currently non-slashed adults from Houston travel away from the big city to make a porn on a rural farm. Well, I say “farm,” but there wasn’t anything growing besides weeds. The working title of the porn is “The Farmer’s Daughters,” which is the set-up for several jokes you don’t tell children. Upon arrival, the film’s producer, Wayne (Martin Henderson), is greeted via shotgun from the man renting him the guesthouse. Meanwhile, the porn film’s star, Maxine (Mia Goth), is haunted by a face in the upstairs window. It seems pretty clear that while the porn folks want to keep to themselves in the guest house, we aren’t done with the creepy old folks yet.
X is kind of a surprise horror – I mean there were plenty of horror elements, but the genuine motivation for blood spatter takes a while to develop. There isn’t just some beast with a machete and a hockey mask carving 
up horny teenagers at will from the outset. And before the slashing develops, we do actually see several soft-porn scenes and Mia Goth roaming around in overalls –and nothing else- I dunno who the costumer for this 10 cent film was, but bravo, brav-o.
I’m sure X will be dismissed by most as low-budget junk, but it’s better than that. At its heart, X is exploitation at its worst – boobs ‘n’ blood, but –and I’m really not kidding here- there was some exceptional filmmaking in X. Several edit juxtapositions laid out parallels between horror and performative art. In addition, the scariest scene in the film has zero blood in it; it was simply an overhead shot of an alligator in a pond approaching an unaware swimmer. Often slasher films are forgettable trash; this one is just the opposite; I’m going to retain memories of X long after my mind has excised Jason Vorhees entirely.
Three dudes and three really hot chicks
Make a film about boobs and dicks
But their plans go awry
When some folks start to die
There’s worse than STDs in the stix
Rated R, 105 Minutes
Director: Ti West
Writer: Ti West
Genre: Horror on $10 a day
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Kids raised on slasher films
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: If horror ain’t your thing, this isn’t going to help
